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Season 2 Episodes 13 & 14 Marine Veteran Joshua Granger

Unknown Speaker 0:00
Welcome back. Today we're talking to Joshua Granger, a black heart from second battalion fifth Marines. I hope I got that right.

Unknown Speaker 0:09
Oh, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 0:10
Okay. Welcome, Joshua. And thank you so much for being here. No problem.

Unknown Speaker 0:14
Alright, so I'm going to start you off the way I start everybody off and just ask you how you ended up in the Marine Corps and, and that path and as much as you want to tell me about your time in? And how and how you got from there to here?

Unknown Speaker 0:30
Well, I guess really,

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you know, I was just working, I always I've always enjoyed reading about military and all that kind of stuff and all that, you know, but

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for me, it really started really

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was really the gears started turning when the towers got hit.

Unknown Speaker 0:47
You know?

Unknown Speaker 0:50
The guy was, were you joined after? 911?

Unknown Speaker 0:54
Yeah, I got in after 911.

Unknown Speaker 0:55
So, the guy I was working with K out yelling that it was world war three. And I didn't know what was going on. So I took off went down to Walmart, and I seen the second plane hit, you know? And I was like, Oh, yeah, this, you know, somebody's gonna pay for this, you know, like, you know, so at the time I was in a relationship, and didn't go in, you know, with that. And then, with the end of that relationship, I signed up by then I was 20, I was 21, when the towers got hit, I was 22. When I signed up, there was so many people trying to get in, specifically, even into the Marine Corps

Unknown Speaker 1:33
infantry, which was crazy to me too, because,

Unknown Speaker 1:36
you know, I could get into all kinds of

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other jobs, but the Marine Corps infantry was packed up, you know, I had almost a year to wait.

Unknown Speaker 1:44
And so I was finding out about Marines. Yeah. So I was 23.

Unknown Speaker 1:51
Let's see October 13. of 2003.

Unknown Speaker 1:53
I went in. So that's how to count.

Unknown Speaker 2:01
You know, I just, like I like I was saying

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in one of my other videos, you know, I,

Unknown Speaker 2:10
I scored high enough to

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do whatever I wanted. And I wanted to get in the fight quick. And I wanted to see what it was like, and, you know, the up close stuff. So it was the infantry for me. And I ended up going to Iraq and oh, for to Ramadi, Iraq, and oh, four. And then we were there in the part of Oh, five, and then went back in Oh, seven to Ramadi, again, so Ramadi, in Oh, four, it was pretty wild. You know, it was definitely some wild west stuff going on there. And as far as hitting on how things went there, compared to afterwards, you know, the

Unknown Speaker 2:54
struggles after getting out.

Unknown Speaker 2:56
Some of the things that I experienced, and these are things that talked about with people that are hard to explain to family. And some of the ways I experienced things didn't add up to what I imagined, you know, my thinking switched from feeling like I was going to, you know, end up in health or shooting some person to, oh, great, now I know that person because I love this thing. Right? It's supposed to love, right? And then, you know, everything happens through the whole deal. And then when you get out, and I mean, to try to explain something like that to, to my mother,

Unknown Speaker 3:33
you know, I'm saying, I'm like that,

Unknown Speaker 3:36
that just makes me sound like a terrible, terrible person, you know, I mean, you know, like,

Unknown Speaker 3:42
No, I know, young people's faces that they

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you can see on people's faces that they might be trying to understand. Right. Right. It's a little rough.

Unknown Speaker 3:54
Well, and I, I have said to people, too, I mean, I went through the same, you know, not MCC, or any of that other or so, but I went through the same training you did. And had had it been possible, you know, again, I volunteered out of Parris Island, because I'm a marine. That's what I'm supposed to do. And had they, you know, they told me, I was public affairs. And so my job back then back in the old days, we still had film cameras and all this digital crap. And so my job the guys would go forward with this, the media, and they would bring back their film to me, and then I would get it back to the rear. So I was sort of a career. And they said to me, Well, you're not supposed to be in combat areas, should you? Should we put you on a house on Hilo? And it gets, you know, sent in for a medevac, you could end up there. And I would have done it. Anything if that if I had been allowed if they had given me you know, and, and I am, I don't hunt, I don't do I don't kill things. If I don't have a shortage of bugs and things that don't count. But however, if I can flip that switch had I been asked to do that I would have. So but I had said even with all that knowing all that. I it is hard for me to imagine what what you've done or So recently, to speak to that. And why I have to say I'm so thankful that you're here and toughing this out. Recently, I was talking to a young lady who I'm in Florida and her she's here going to school. She's very, very young. And her husband is active duty army and Georgia. As I was telling her about Hero Harbor and what we're doing, she says, you know, I'm getting chills on my arm. She said, I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you this. But just last week, my husband's First Sergeant killed himself. Right? The man had been in for 21 years in the Army 15 of those as a sniper. So now he's looking at retirement, and he's looking at what you're talking about, you know, it's like his job was every day to go out there. And his his men revered him, you know, his men thought he was, you know, amazing, because he could do that with you know, such. And so, as you're talking, there's a couple things that go through my mind. You know, we were supposed to take all of us, anybody, you're supposed to take pride in your work. So how does that translate when your work is, you know, and the thing is, and the thing is what why I think there's so much more honor in what you did, is that you you had to do it, you had to I mean, it, there's nothing more personal than taking a life like that. And yet, there's all these organizations, as we were talking about just a few minutes ago, even the social media, they are culpable in the death of so many of these people for a variety of reasons that I won't go into, but and yet they all they do it all from behind their computers and everything else and they can you know, they can pretend that they don't have any, you know, anything in any. So many people

Unknown Speaker 7:05
are willing to get their

Unknown Speaker 7:06
hands actually bloody high. Exactly. Well, and that's the thing. It's like, it's you you did we would not be here how many wars have there been? And and you did an incredible valuable service and the fact that you struggle now with that? Is it just it that hurts my heart? So but we glossed over your entire career? So I want to back up a little bit. First of all, tell me tell me about this black heart thing? What what it just explained that to me?

Unknown Speaker 7:34
Oh, that's a box company blackguards second, Marines, you know, that's just our unit, that

Unknown Speaker 7:42
CI was the Service Battalion. So we didn't have stuff like that. So now my first my first husband was recon. So he had I know, I don't remember what it looked like. But he had a he was second second recon, and he had a tattoos specifically specific to his unit.

Unknown Speaker 8:00
I got one. Yeah, yeah.

Unknown Speaker 8:01
So all that is, you know, all that. So talk a little more about that. And Well, anyway, and so tell me to about Tell me about some of the people that you worked with, and just just expound a little bit more on the career? I know. What are some things you've talked about in your videos, because I haven't listened to them.

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And

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I will, you know, like, I worked with some, I got lucky I got to be with really,

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I mean, like, you know, world renowned

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group of guys, you know, fifth Marines, most decorated in the Marine Corps, you know, so in that regard, I just got really lucky there. You know, so my company was a boat company, infantry boat company, you know,

Unknown Speaker 8:47
so we did

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lots of water training and all that kind of stuff.

Unknown Speaker 8:53
But then we went to the sandbox, you know, which we

Unknown Speaker 8:56
actually did do one boat raid on the Euphrates River, that was the second time there, but whatever. That wasn't, wasn't too crazy. But, um, so the guys I was with a one thing, one thing that I really enjoyed out of going into the Marine Corps, and being with the guys that I was with,

Unknown Speaker 9:13
I got to actually see

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what, what real hardcore Americans are, like, you know, like, when I sit here online, and I see all these people calling all these military members cowards and everything. I'm just sitting there inside, like, It pisses me off, but I'm also chuckling going, you guys ain't got a clue. Like, you know, on movies and stuff. They have gangsters doing drive bys and stuff, I watch our boys walk straight down the middle of the street with machine gun fire and everything, and sitting there calling out orders and doing their thing and not freaking out, you know, so, I saw I got to see some guys. Definitely be extra human, you know, like, things that I would have never imagined. I thought, I thought I would see more panic, I thought I would see more people freaking out, you know, stuff like that. But, I mean, I can say for the most part that was not existed, as or something

Unknown Speaker 10:08
as a raw it is I say it takes a special kind of crazy to be a marine. And it does, but you know, it's the, you know, you think about, and there's so many things that go through my mind when you're talking. You know, we think we you know, the school shootings and all that kind of stuff. Those those people are harming innocent. I mean, there is no argument. These are innocent people that they are killing and, you know, so I don't know what the, you know what?

Unknown Speaker 10:38
We're kind of off topic here. But the

Unknown Speaker 10:42
What was I gonna say? We're a different kind of crazy.

Unknown Speaker 10:45
And what you Oh, absolutely. But what's

Unknown Speaker 10:49
the lump us in the group with like, those kind of people to different countries?

Unknown Speaker 10:52
Right. It is. And the thing is, because it's not good.

Unknown Speaker 10:57
Well, it is and the marine the world that I launched the first half of his podcast today, we were talking about this. And he, he taught same way I did. He talked to all all the branches. And you know, the Marine Corps was the one that stuck. And I won't go into all that. But you know, we talked about how it's it. The Marine Corps chose me because they gave me the job that I they asked for, but it was the perfect fit. I would not have been happy in any other branch. Because we are we are special. It's it's we are. We're overachievers now. Not everyone. But what's that?

Unknown Speaker 11:36
I'm one of the I'm one of the only. I'm the only marine that I know, that went into the Marine Corps without having my GED or diploma. Wow.

Unknown Speaker 11:47
Just because I needed it so badly. Or

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I was going well, I had been going to college classes when I was in high school, end up getting kicked out of high school. But right, that's another stupid story. But

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I was going to

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I was going to college classes at the time. So I had, I think, a year's worth of college credits.

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So I actually got put in as a PFC.

Unknown Speaker 12:15
That's what I tell people, you know, when they say they can do something like, there's usually a way? Oh, absolutely. I mean, granted, I didn't, I didn't think I could get in. I went in and I talked to I talked to the Air Force and the Navy and the army. And I actually just, you know, I talked to all them. And I didn't go in the Marine Corps, because I hadn't heard that there's no chance of getting in there with with the way my stuff was, you know. And so I walked out. And I was headed towards the door and the recruiter comes in, yeah, somebody it's up, you know, and I said, Well, he asked me why I didn't come check out the Marines, you know,

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I said, I'd love

Unknown Speaker 12:52
to be a marine. You know, like, that's, you know, the best. That's why I'm walking out of here without signing anything is because I don't really want to be part of these other branches. But I want to do something. But you know, and he goes, Well, why? Why do you think you could get into the Navy over there? And I told him, I said, they said they could get me in because my college credits, they could get me a high school equivalent. And he goes, Well, maybe we could do the same thing. He's like, I never tried before. But so whatever it worked out, and they got in, you know, so

Unknown Speaker 13:21
yeah, nothing about the Marine Corps I had. My dad was Air Force. His brother was Navy, my brother was armed. My younger brother was army. And since I like I said, I got pregnant and dropped out of high school. I was never recruited. So I hadn't I just assumed but the only the little bit I knew of the Marine Corps wherever I got my information. I just thought they didn't take women. So I took my ass fabs gourd really well. And I went to talk to everybody. And of course, that wasn't an 89. There were no wars. And that's Oh, that's something else I want to say to you, too, is that I had said this long ago that I have so much additional respect for anyone who who joined after 911. Because before that, there were no we had no wars on the horizon, you know, or late back when I when I joined in 89. And, you know, until the Gulf War, there was we didn't, there was nothing we just joined because usually for college or whatever, but there, you know, there was no idea that we would be you know, getting into some but anybody who joined after that after 911, they knew exactly what they were getting into. And, you know, that's that that is there's so much I mean, never mind the whole infantry thing that I mean, that's just be you know, but and so back to, to when you're talking about those peoples are hateful. When I first started promoting HH, on Instagram, and I hate I hate wallet wallowing in the muck of that social stuff, because there's so much stuff. I had a person, I think it was a woman. I don't know. And I've seen more than one of these accounts. Anyway, I got this wall of verbiage that I didn't even bother reading, but it was an all caps. And she's telling me how, you know, the real heroes are the ones who commit suicide and don't follow the, you know, the, or don't follow the orders of the greedy, you know, government. And what made me so mad was that, that I didn't think of the argument, I wouldn't have argued with her anyway, because you can't you can't argue a stupid, these people are hurting their, they either have really sad and pointless lives themselves. that they have. I mean, that's the only reason that they if they had something good to offer the world. And if they had any kind of joy in their own lives, they wouldn't have to do that either way. And I have said to more than one person, please, I will buy you the ticket, get the hell out of my country and stay there. If you think you can find better elsewhere. The only reason that we are we have the freedoms that we do is because of these men and women who do who have been doing this for you know, for decades. Anyway, the point is she I didn't what aggravated me was that I didn't think about the argument with the retort to that was two later. And the fact is, if your argument is that they shouldn't be well, okay, first of all, they're veterans. So that's already done. You can't that there's no, you know, you can't they've already followed the orders. But the if your argument is that we should kill ourselves, because instead of doing the bidding of our government, greedy government, then by that logic, every person who works for a greedy Corporation, which is most of them, should also we wouldn't have anybody love, you know, it makes no logical. Exactly. And, and so you know, that it's, there is so much that happens here, in America, in the name of religion, that is, holds women down, hold an any number of people down, you know, we use religion to say, you know, blacks are bad, or good or bad, or this is bad. And the thing is, what what I'm trying to do from the moment, the most important thing is to save our heroes. But additionally, part of the part of the mission and saving them is to release them from their own hate and anger and and what all and for me, I don't know,

Unknown Speaker 17:24
go ahead, take this conversation, in particular,

Unknown Speaker 17:28
with the way that this would apply to my battle with anger and

Unknown Speaker 17:33
PTSD, per se, right, right. now know that

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this would be one of those subjects

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that I used to be online, and like savagely angry for you. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 17:50
yeah. Politics, which, first off, I don't think like, I've kind of stepped back, but I don't I still pay attention. But I don't put my opinion out there quite as much.

Unknown Speaker 18:01
Because

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I get too angry because we have to assign people on so many levels, right. But the problem is, is all of these things with all these people that are, you know, for, you know, for lack of a better way of saying they're stupid people that we have in this country that have no common sense, or, you know, common reasoning or anything. Anyways, with all these crazy ideas that they have,

Unknown Speaker 18:31
I would be so angry,

Unknown Speaker 18:33
you know, I'd already had my anger inside me already. And then if I even was online, I had to basically pull back from either 19 on social media, I couldn't even be online. I didn't hardly go out anymore. I didn't go, you know, I kind of regressed back, you know, kind of hermits. Again, it's from just from these kind of issues that were the one thing is if I feel like I'm right,

Unknown Speaker 19:00
don't back up.

Unknown Speaker 19:01
Right, oh, like I had off in the face ain't backing up, like ever.

Unknown Speaker 19:05
So,

Unknown Speaker 19:06
you know, like, I'm not going to back off and change my idea. You know. So that's where, for me on a lot of those kind of things, I think it's really terrible for Vets coming back in the goodness of the country, and the goodness of the people, and they want to believe all that stuff, especially going in as a younger person, you just really have all this faith, you know, and you get out and the more you see, and all this anger blows up inside you, because you're just going Why are you guys destroying everything good. That was bad, you know. So it definitely all plays together.

Unknown Speaker 19:38
Okay, so here's this, I guess this is what I'm getting at. We know that there's idiots here in our country, and we know that they're spewing all kinds of crap. Now, if they have the loudest voice, and the people in other countries are looking at those voices, and judging all of our country based on those voices, now we are doing, and I'll give you a couple examples. In a second, we are doing the same thing by saying Muslims are bad, or, you know, Iraq is bad, or what you know, by saying that. And so, like I said, I'll give you a couple examples here. For instance, when I was in, when I was in Austin, Texas A few years ago, I was driving Uber for a while. And through that I met a young man, he was 25 at the time, who was from Baghdad, Iraq. Now the first time he came, he came up on my, on my screen, and you know, then gets it gets in my my truck, he gets in the front seat, which is really unusual, because you know, most people get in the back anyway, get to the front seat of my truck. And I call it a truck was a Pathfinder or whatever. Anyway, he gets in my truck. And me, you know, the one of the first thoughts I had, because I asked him where he's from. And to me one of the most, aside from all the anger and the hate and the killing, one of the most challenging and frustrating things to me about 911 is that or that's not the wording that I want. But is is this idea that now all of a sudden, prior to that I would have net, it would have never crossed my mind, I wouldn't had any question about this guy. It's like, okay, it's just, you know, 2020 year old, you know, 20, something from Iraq, or whatever. But after that, all of a sudden, there's that that momentary thought, What is this 25 year old, you know, Iraqi doing here in my country and couldn't, you know, it's like, and it was momentary for me, and I'm the type of person rather than jump to judgment, I learned more about him. And over the years, I picked him up several times, and we several times sat in parking lots and just just talked, and he was here, basically, he had his brother, both on political asylum, because after 911 he was he was, he was in middle school, when the towers fell. And, you know, soon after, you know, we attacked our country, you know, he went from having a normal, basic, you know, farm life or whatever, to, you know, no electricity, no running water all, you know, doing his homework by candlelight, that sort of thing. As he you know, he continues, you know, the war goes on, he gets a little older, he's 17. They, they have to avoid crowds, all this stuff. I mean, their entire life, you know, isn't, you know, from again, from middle school until he got here, and, you know, number years ago, was, it was all war. And, I mean, can you imagine our streets every single day, just war all the time. I mean, that, that that's all we knew our art your children, and every day, that's what they experienced, you know, dead bodies. And, you know, as I did an interview with him, and he, as he was saying to me, you know, he said, It used to be that, you know, when people died, it was sickness, or old age, he said, then every family you knew how had been affected in some way by the war. Anyway, he ended up here, because cause, as I said, they had to avoid crowds and such. And he and his brother went out one day, he had a younger brother, 16 year old brother, and they went out, they're going to go shopping, and they had forgotten that there was a soccer match between Saudi Arabia and Iraq. And it turns out that iraq one and so all these people are out there celebrating in the streets. And long story short, a terrorist blew up a car. And there was, you know, numerous, you know, sub shocks from that. Anyway, his brother, Mustafa, most common name interact, was off his brother was killed by that thing now. He was then taken advantage of by his own people, you know, whatever, people who just like OE because he was working at some point for the,

Unknown Speaker 23:50
for a multinational security force, you know, because it was the best way for him to earn money to help support his family. Anyway, his own people, they thought he was working for the American so there threatening him, he's getting sent to his family's house with bullets in and that kind of thing. Anyway, my point is, is when I talked to him, the pain I heard in this young man's voice, he saw his his brother's burnt body. And he was taken advantage of by people in, in like, Jordan, and there was some other But anyway, who put him to work, but because he didn't have a work visa, they didn't pay him, you know, his own Muslim people. And then he gets here, and he's hated because he's Muslim. And he's just trying to figure it out. He's, you know, he's, he's caught somewhere between Muslim and Christianity and, and, and the confusion over I, he now is separated from his family for the rest of his life. You know, because because of all that, so my point is, you know, they might judge us on because of our crazy people, and we judge them on behalf of, you know, their ISIS and the people and yet, and going back to what you were saying about the way they treat their women, I completely agree with you for you know, yeah, I mean, that's that it that's it because I have on I mean, I, I have to admit, I was I have never been, you know, beyond that. And so for me, as a human being as an A life as a life coach, and all of those things. The because I didn't see the ugly side of it. It is it's a real challenge for me, because I, I, I try to look at each person, you know, that I come across as individual and and you're right, there's people that I just like, you know, what, and it doesn't matter whether they're black, white, or otherwise, do you? Like,

Unknown Speaker 25:39
where where like, I was wrong? Hmm. You know, I can I do, I do think I should admit when he's wrong, you know, and, you know, apologize for it, or whatever was like, during all the, even when I was watching all this political stuff online, and during the whole Obama years, and it really seemed like there was a just, you know, you can could just feel the white hate growing everywhere, you know,

Unknown Speaker 26:04
you could see it, you could feel it. And what,

Unknown Speaker 26:09
what do you mean by white hate? What is

Unknown Speaker 26:12
all over online? You got a bunch of white people saying that right? Right skin color you got right, you know, whether, whether you have black people saying it, yeah, whatever you got, right, you know, just the basic all the different racial turmoils, which I think the racial racial turmoils are completely separated from something like the Muslim issue.

Unknown Speaker 26:33
Mm hmm.

Unknown Speaker 26:34
That's religious. That's completely different racial is literally what skin are we born it. Right. Right. Right.

Unknown Speaker 26:42
Right. And that's what I said, I'm

Unknown Speaker 26:45
sorry, I made a mistake. I shouldn't have been a white guy.

Unknown Speaker 26:48
I agree. I completely

Unknown Speaker 26:49
white that.

Unknown Speaker 26:50
Right. So there was one statement that

Unknown Speaker 26:53
my,

Unknown Speaker 26:55
that changed my way of thinking on that took few years, but, you know, because I was angry at, you know, I've never been part of Nope, you know, right. Like that, but, you know, anyways, but I, you know, I would say derogatory stuff all the time, which I don't think any words should be counted out. If somebody wants to say something, go ahead, say, okay,

Unknown Speaker 27:16
somebody might kick your hair, it's just air. It's just Aaron sound, you know,

Unknown Speaker 27:19
I'm just saying somebody might kick your ass for do but you should be able to say it, you know, get whatever consequences you get or whatever. But, um, my, he was, he was my platoon, Commander. And he's black, you know, and I watched him do like, some hardcore badass stuff. You know, just I mean, like, just walking, just chillin, walking right down to the street, or there's all kinds of gunfire and all kinds of stuff, you know. So,

Unknown Speaker 27:45
um, and I know, he loves the country,

Unknown Speaker 27:48
and I know, he's awesome. You know, and, and I would die for this guy. So, one day online, he goes, he's like, Granger, he goes, you could do a lot of good in this world, but you sure say some ignorant shit sometimes. Gotta got me and I was like, man, okay, like, all right, you know, it took the years, I had to think about it. But that's me saying, like, you know, I still got, you know, I, I got a tattoo that says, I'm white and proud, you know, and

Unknown Speaker 28:15
I don't feel bad about that.

Unknown Speaker 28:17
But I am glad at least worded it in the way. So it's not like, you know, trying to be a part of a gang, because I think everybody should be crowd and all that. But, um, so I kind of changed my ways, a little bit on that kind of stuff, you know, started, because, because the problem is, is I want to help vets, you know, and this is where it really started hitting me. I do want to help vets, I want to help anybody that has a problem, you know, like, any of us come back.

Unknown Speaker 28:44
Right. And with the way I was speaking,

Unknown Speaker 28:48
it was alienating. You know, these guys that I actually do good Americans that I would die with, you know, so why would I want to alienate them? And I don't want to alienate them. I was mad at other people. You know what I'm saying? But it was

Unknown Speaker 29:03
kind of, I get it, I get it.

Unknown Speaker 29:05
Yeah. So. So I definitely changed. I wanted, that's what I wanted to change in that kind of a way. Because I don't want to be like that, you know, so

Unknown Speaker 29:14
that's where I think there's a difference. There's,

Unknown Speaker 29:16
you know, I guess, I guess what it comes back to

Unknown Speaker 29:19
skin color stuff. And then ideologies and, you know, ways of thinking,

Unknown Speaker 29:25
and I guess what I'm what I want, what I'm trying to get across to people is

Unknown Speaker 29:31
everything you said, is probably probably I mean, you like you said you were there and you saw it and and and I know for your right. I mean, the idea that you can you know, a woman can be raped and then stoned to death because of it, that that's just insanity. It's absolute insanity. But I guess what, what I'm trying to get at is that for each of us as individuals, hating anything is not beneficial. And as long as I'm wasting my energy hating anyone or anything, then I that that rage, you know, that rage takes over your body? And, and was,

Unknown Speaker 30:13
it was toxic for me.

Unknown Speaker 30:14
Like, I didn't change, I didn't change my idea so much like, I it's not like I got offline, and then all of a sudden, just now I'm some big Muslim lover or something like that, you know, but I'm not gonna like I'm not going to be mad and enraged about every day because it was just dragging my lifestyle down, dragging me down. I just

Unknown Speaker 30:34
fiery.

Unknown Speaker 30:35
Yes, exactly. And that's what I'm trying to get at is that, yes, I I mean, I am hardcore feminist in the sense that and I hate even saying that, because people just just like everything else, I twist it all around. What that means is, I can take care of myself, I'm independent, I'm not looking for a man to take care of me, I'm not looking for someone to support me, I can carry my own groceries, I can, you know, I independent. And that's all that means. It means that I don't need anyone in my life, I have people in my life because I want to hang on, hang on, hang on. So but what I was getting at is that so as a feminist I love you got the greatest smile, the and nobody listening to this is going to get to see that. But what I was saying is that as a feminist, yes, I what you talk about and what what I'm aware of, it hurts my heart so badly. It also hurts my heart that you know, we have people in power that every single day, use their their gender, or their and their gender and their power to subjugate other people. And it's still you know, we may not be stoning people, but I can tell you right now stuff is happening all the time, what I'm getting at, so what I'm getting at is I can be angry about their behavior. or, or, or that those the way that they live, however, since I can't change it, and nobody online bitching about it is changing it either you're not going to change the Muslim community, you're not going to change anything. So why not back up, like you did back up, and just take care of yourself. And because as long as you're angry at anything, because the thing is, they're using that anger to hide or cover up whatever they're unhappy about in their own lives, it's easier to, to hate and trash talk, you know, other things than it is to work on yourself. And if we if we would work on ourselves, and be happy, and and make the world our immediate world better. That you know, smiling, hugging, complimenting all the dumb shit. If we would do that, then our world would be better. And we wouldn't, you know, we wouldn't. But you know, I think I mean, I think you understand what I'm getting at is all I'm saying is that from a personal standpoint, the same thing you recognize from a personal standpoint, that hate was not helping you and you're a happier, Kinder person, and you can be a better father and a better, you know, significant other, just a better human being a better son a better, you know, whatever, because you are not carrying around that anger. So I guess that's what I'm getting at is it doesn't matter what your anger Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 33:16
I had a, I had a lot of people talk to me about like before with the way I'd be talking, and they'd say, you know, you're not, you're not going to be winning people over to your side with the way you're talking and all this stuff. And, you know, I'd honestly tell them, I ain't trying to win people over to my side, right? I, I think these people are stupid, you know, like, and, really, that's still the way I feel I just don't go online and talk about it. So what because I just be angry over again, you being angry at a rock, you know, right. You know, but I wasn't trying to, I wasn't trying to win those people over. But in the process of telling them how pathetic I thought they were, huh. I was saying before in ways, even though not intended, that was ended up being derogatory and pushing away, right, good Americans that I actually do care about. Really, the bottom line to me is, the bottom line to me is America. Right. And the reason I don't like a lot of these people and the people that I was talking about it because I know that the things they're doing and the way they're going is completely destroying this country. And they are the kinds of people that our forefathers would have shot. I are fathers started over a war over what a 1% tax. Right, right, they would have started a war over a whole bunch of people going around preaching socialism, right. You know, that's the same thing they fought to get free of, you know, so, but even though so I don't, I don't like that stuff. I do hate that stuff. I do know it's on American. But it was just too toxic for me to continue being angry about it. And I'm not happy, don't get me wrong. No, no, but continue fighting. You know, I had to step back, I had to step back and try to be more just about my family and stuff. And if I can do like, because originally, I don't know if you seen anything what I was talking about. But so if we get into the VA thing, so if we get into that side of it, like right, my plan is, and this is like to help my anger and stuff to and to help other bet. I eventually want to get a place over by the Bighorn mountains is where I grew up over there. And on either the little goose or big goose Creek and then just have a couple. Obviously, I would like them to be as nice as possible, but like a couple cabins that that's could come chillin when they're having really rough times, you know, because they have the VA hospital there. And it's a pretty big one in shared in there for the area, and a lot of vets come there that are having problems. And so, the one thing that I saw going to the VA that I really hated, right when I originally got there was okay, so I had a The reason I went in was I had like, I mean, it's kind of embarrassing to say, but I had like some sort of a mental breakdown, you know, like, like, I freaked out, you know, like, I was, thank God, I wasn't in a crowd or, you know, not like I would have went off shooting people, but they would have put me in a straitjacket. You know, for sure. You're not a wasn't that kind of a freak out. But that's where I was out there fishing the way I have for me as out there fishing, like perfect day, you know, like, perfect day on the big Next, the big ones, you know, I'm fishing and my my lower, barely snags on a rock and just pops loose. And just that little bit of agitation, I freaked out, I smashed my goal into like a million pieces falling in the woods, and I'm out there screaming at a tree, like, and I've been freaking out screaming like, I don't even they weren't even real words, you know, until my head elect was going to split. And I was a single dad at the time, I'm trying to raise my daughter, my infant daughter. And that's when I went back and I went to the VA to get help. And the problem is because I went in there and I didn't know what I needed. I just knew I needed help. I knew I was like at a point where if somebody messed with me, I've always been a scrappy guy. And I've always been good at hurting people. So I don't want me to be in this mindset trying to raise a daughter and have somebody messaged me, and then I and then I go way overboard and hurt them too badly. So I went to the VA asked for help for them. I needed some sort of a chill pill or something. And the problem I ran into right there at the VA instantly was they don't really have anything they didn't at the time anyways, as far as I knew anyways, they didn't have something, something to try to help you. Right then. Right there. Other than going into a mental ward. Right, right. Right. That's not happening. Right? You know, cuz like, like, I got this talking with the lady. She's like, she said,

Unknown Speaker 38:02
should we allow you

Unknown Speaker 38:02
to go home, I was like, I'd probably be in your best interest. You know, like, you want to get a real crazy man try stuff me into a straight jackets, how this works out, you know?

Unknown Speaker 38:13
So, so that was my first

Unknown Speaker 38:17
bad experience with the VA where I was like, wow, this is, you know, a lot of this is in hindsight, looking back and putting it all together. But that was a dangerous situation to have a guy that comes to you. And is in that kind of a state. And you pretty much have nothing to offer. I mean, you'll give him all the pills in the world for the rest of his life. Right? You can't give him a good spot to go or, you know, like say, Hey, we will, we will cover whatever bills you have for a month. Right? You know, something, to try to get some peace of mind while you're trying to get a handle on

Unknown Speaker 38:53
that's the thing is these people aren't crazy. They're not crazy. I'm not crazy. We are a different breed of people. And this is not just Marines. This is this is military that you know, and again, Hero Harbor is not just about military, either it's about police a fire, you know, people who go they have really high stress jobs. And so that's what it's about, it's a place for us to gather because we and we can find any, it will continue to get better. Because eventually what will happen is when you create your account, we will ask you where are you at? Are you still active? Are you newly separated? Are you a you know, a veteran veteran so to speak? And through those questions, we will be able to say Okay, you know what these are the things that might you might be eligible for because people are not getting you know that the care they need because a lot of times they don't realize what they're eligible in the VA system for nearly 30 years. I collected travel pay to the local VA for the first time in my life only because another marine marched, literally marched me up to the counter and said do this, I had no idea that I was eligible. So the point is, we would help them with that. But what I was getting at is that you're right. I mean, the VA needs a hurry. An incredible overhaul. One of my things, most of the people who work there are not veterans, so there is no way that they can understand and, and I've said that they need term limits on on certain on these jobs. Because you imagine if you heard like one of the while the the marina interviewed on Monday, he was he was part of recon and second recon, I think, or third third recon anyway, he was in Fallujah, he was they you know IED he got asphalt in the back of his head pulling whatever, he came back, and he, you know, was in pain had all these issues. And so he had, he had that, then there's another, there's an army guy that I'm going to be interviewing next weekend, who in one day lost five of his, you know, his buddies, four of which were caught in a fire and they couldn't get them out. So my point is, if if you can imagine listening to that story, those stories over and over and over and over, you would have noticed just the way you pulled back from the vitriol and the anger in social media, you would have to it will just wear you out. And so they need to take those people. First of all, it should be my personal opinion is it should be veterans that are are working the VA because how who better to help, then somebody who's been there, I went through it people look at me, like you're crazy. I mean, literally, like you're crazy and, and treating you that way. And so it's a combination of their apathy from being in the same job all the time and inability to have you know, and so it's like they they can't they just can't identify it. I don't

Unknown Speaker 41:52
think it when we're talking about actual doctors say that are doing physical procedures and nurses and stuff. I don't think so much there. But especially when it gets into the mental part of this whole thing that needs to be people that understand because you you can have a basic doctor, a person has a wound, they cannot.

Unknown Speaker 42:13
Yeah, but

Unknown Speaker 42:14
when it gets into the mental, the whole mental side of the VA, that pretty

Unknown Speaker 42:18
much needs to be it's horrible, because again, there's nothing worse than the label. And the thing is most of these people like for instance, the the the army guy was just talking about, you know, at one point he was like on 11 different medications he was the just you know, all this stuff. And after while it gets to this place where you you don't know if it's a legitimate symptom or if it's something caused by a medication and so they just stacked one on top the other it's designer diagnosis of the day.

Unknown Speaker 42:49
Oh, terrible.

Unknown Speaker 42:50
I've taught that's one thing I've talked about a little bit is

Unknown Speaker 42:54
pills. I mean, pills. I mean, it's horrible, horrible, horrible.

Unknown Speaker 42:58
pills. pills. pills. No, dude, this is band. Like I said, it's Band Aid upon Band Aid upon band aid. And all that happens is a person. Like for me,

Unknown Speaker 43:08
they pretty much

Unknown Speaker 43:09
put me on four kinds right away. They put me on a anti psychotic mood stabilizer blood pressure and the antidepressant of the same time.

Unknown Speaker 43:22
Yeah, and

Unknown Speaker 43:25
possibly know what's helping with know what's going on. I ended up

Unknown Speaker 43:30
I ended up tipped over on the floor on three different occasions dying. Yeah. And then when I went in and told them about that, I said, you know, something, something's going wrong, like, this is killing me. Right? And they told me Oh, you're not on a big enough dose to do anything. I mean, people can have hardcore reactions from drinking beer there that you know, it can be, you know, so you're gonna tell me that, that that this is fake. I told him I said, I'm not really prone to panic. I'm not the kind of person that's going to panic defensive, crazy things in like, I'm not prone to panic, when I'm playing in the opposite room on the floor dying and I got a little daughter in the other room, this is something to worry about.

Unknown Speaker 44:08
And so read up

Unknown Speaker 44:10
on that stuff out. And I ended up feeling like I was walking crooked for like a week or whatever. And so I'm pretty sure I was on enough that it was actually made, you know, some way it was affecting my body. So and the other thing is, is it made me feel like a zombie. Right? I mean, I took it basically, it just took away my emotions.

Unknown Speaker 44:30
Well, that's, that's,

Unknown Speaker 44:33
that's dangerous.

Unknown Speaker 44:34
here's the here's the thing. That is what it does. When you take you take warriors, you take heroes that are custom to pushing through who are accustomed to taking care of themselves taking care of other people. And all of a sudden you say you're broken, here's a pill to fix you. It takes it takes away all their power, all of your all the things that they have known about themselves for so long. They knew they were strong. They knew, as I said, so I got out, not knowing what my path was. And I was married to a marine at the time. And when he and I divorce, we held hands walking in the courtroom, there was no we never fought and to my knowledge. I can't we were only married for years, but I don't think we ever had a fight. So that wasn't the issue by any means. But I get out and all sudden, I'm I have no identity. I don't know who I am. So I get depressed for the first time I live. So the VA, but I I am 52 and you hear me This is my energy level all the time. This is no matter how much or how little sleep I've had. That's just me. But so you and when I was in the Marine Corps, I worked out three times a day during the week. So I've always had this superhuman energy. And I saw that you would like to that one picture of me. Did you swipe and see the other one? Okay, so that Yeah, so the fat versus not picked. Okay. Alright, so this is the story with that. And one of these days, I'm going to just like I'm doing you guys I'm going to I mean, I'm going to tell my whole story too. But so I get out. I go to the VA because that's the only help I have. So they give me because I said I'm I have this crazy depression. They give me Prozac which shoved me into this because for that quick I felt better and for you know for just a moment is like oh my god, I can breathe. Oh, this must be the answer. Well, then I have that Boomerang rebound effect. And and it you know, I'm even worse depression. And so then I attempted suicide because the Depression was even worse. I'm like, Oh my god, this is going to be my life forever. So then they put me in a halfway house where the people tell me I'm crazy. And I'm with legitimately crazy people. So then I get out and they say, Okay, well, let's give you this anyway, so then they decide I'm bipolar. So they give me Depakote and that's what started that way. Oh, yes, yes. And so for for all those years. I didn't say I have bipolar disorder. I said I am bipolar. I'm not I'm a marine. Not I'm an A student. Not I'm an excellent writer. Not any of that shit. I said I'm bipolar. And when you have that label when you think of yourself as broken and when other people look at you as broken and your entire life is revolves around popping those fucking pills. I will have an explicit label on the broadcast but the then how in the world and like I said, so you're taking the power away from incredibly valuable but it will be absurd I felt I told I've talked

Unknown Speaker 47:33
about this like

Unknown Speaker 47:36
this idea that these people that are killing themselves are weak people

Unknown Speaker 47:42
is the first

Unknown Speaker 47:43
thing

Unknown Speaker 47:45
like like,

Unknown Speaker 47:48
these are the people that have done what all these all the rest would not do.

Unknown Speaker 0:00
And now they're killing themselves. There's a different reason. And one of the things that I think one of the biggest things I think that's going on, that happens all the time, it's a cycle that the VA is should be ashamed for, is they get people on pills, they get these, these people that are serious, strong minded, strong willed individuals, they get them on pills, it breaks down their will, yeah, you get them on. Not that it's bad to get money from the VA. But along with getting money they get you get pills, so all of a sudden, I don't have work, and you're, and you're medicated out of your gourd. And then they keep adding pills and keep adding pills, until it does give more physical problems, and then mental problems. And then pretty soon you have a person that was one of the best of the best, that can't even get back into the workforce. Yeah, it's just terrible. Yeah, this isn't something where somebody just decided to, you know, which that's another, that can self medication in that way.

Unknown Speaker 1:02
This is something where somebody went

Unknown Speaker 1:05
partying

Unknown Speaker 1:07
themselves up, this is a person that actually cared about the country does care about this country comes back wants help, and what they get is the exact opposite.

Unknown Speaker 1:16
And that's and that's the other thing, I was gonna say,

Unknown Speaker 1:18
yeah, with somebody who's that kind of a person that needs some sort of purpose in life, you take all that away, what do you think in the end is going to happen right there just killed themselves. And it's not going to be, it's not even going to be in that kind of a way, I have a different way of thinking than I used to even about people, you know, even about the thinking of it being so selfish of a thing. I don't know about that. Because this is that's completely.

Unknown Speaker 1:47
You can't You can't judge it. I mean, everybody is different. And then not even

Unknown Speaker 1:51
them anymore.

Unknown Speaker 1:52
Well, that's and to see that and that's the thing. So so there's, there's there's so many facets to this. And of course, you and I are preaching to the choir, but it's it's important that you know, lots out

Unknown Speaker 2:01
there don't know

Unknown Speaker 2:02
well, right, exactly. And that's why I'm doing this. And so I'm going to have a few requests of you before we finish up here. But so there's a variety things. Ok. So again, the mentality while I was taking all those drugs, I went from an incredibly proud and I mean, again, I was a bodybuilder deadlift at 315 for reps. I was I'm in an incredible writer, six teen years, I shove that shit down my throat, the only I total, two different vehicles, the and I lucky not to have had more accidents. The only time I attempted suicide was on their medications, I finally came to the realization that whether it's right or wrong, and I won't survive, as long as I'm taking these drugs. So like you said, I was not myself. So you have changed their mentality in terms of seeing themselves as weak, and then you've altered their brain chemistry. And so the I was off the meds for years. But I was I was struggling, I needed focus. I wasn't working at the time. And I needed I in the foreword to my book, I say I was like one of those high, high intelligent, highly intelligent breeds of dogs that you know, like a Belgian Malinois, if they don't have a job, they will destroy everything in your life. And that was that was me. And so I went to the VA because I tend to be a DD I've probably been a little add all my life, but it's been exacerbated by those drugs. Anyway, I went to the VA, and I said, Look, I you've got to give me something, I'm not taking anything new. So give me something I've taken before what they did. And you know how that ended. I had never owned a gun in my life, I went and spent my last $400 on whatever it was, I don't even know but a pistol the and I was sitting at my computer with it pointed at my head safety off. But somewhere deep in my soul, I knew that I had value. And I knew I had something to offer that the thing is, you know, with women most the time is it's suicide attempted suicide by pills, but with the men, it's and the staff sergeant that that launched today, well, I won't give away the rest of his story. But you know, his wife saved him from an attempt. And so it's so often, you know, it's done are hanging so they don't get a second chance had I succeeded, I wouldn't be here to do all the things I'm doing. But so you like you said you, you've got the mentality of now I'm weak. And then you've got the older brain chemistry. And what I was, the the follow up to this is that I slept fine when I throughout the Marine Corps, and even after I got out, but after their meds I've been I haven't slept more than you know, and it's not it's never a steady five hours, not more than five hours in a couple of decades. And that's another thing that people like, Oh, you need to sleep. Yeah, you're right. I would love to sleep and and unload my vodka bottle is the that's how I sleep. And it's terrifies me because alcohol has never been a big part of my life. And occasionally I'll get a pain in my abdomen. And it freaks me out because my brain is the most important thing that I have. And fucking it up like that. And but again, so you go into the VA and like, Oh, you got to stop drinking. I got to sleep, you know, and I'm out here trying to do amazing things and to save lives. And so I get it, I there are so many things. And so

Unknown Speaker 5:24
the drinking.

Unknown Speaker 5:26
Obviously, that's the most common.

Unknown Speaker 5:29
It's easiest, it's legal. It's

Unknown Speaker 5:31
self medicating, you know, because for one thing, even though it does kill you in the long run, it's safer, right in the short run, right. And in most situations, you know, especially if a person is able to control it a little bit. But, and for me,

Unknown Speaker 5:50
I drink a lot of Jaeger, I drink a lot of Jaeger.

Unknown Speaker 5:54
And I yeah,

Unknown Speaker 5:55
I was like,

Unknown Speaker 5:57
I was terrible in the corner. Like,

Unknown Speaker 6:01
I drink it all in the Marine Corps didn't

Unknown Speaker 6:04
I can't say my anger problems came from the Marine Corps, something like that, like I had a lot of anger in in me from younger years, but a lot

Unknown Speaker 6:12
of people join because a lot of things

Unknown Speaker 6:14
a lot of things didn't help along the way. And I ended up being one of those guys like I'd go to the bar and I would line up seven Jaeger bombs and our drink those and that's how you get started you know so I had a lot of blacked out right wild crazy I mean the the Marine Corps ended up finally they Volland told me to go to rehab. Man I ended up I was terrible marine back in like I was horrid back in garrison like I I mean, fight after fight after fight, like all kinds of stuff. Got so much trouble out in town, and I was going to go to Orange County jail for three years. And I went away for a while then I hired an attorney and then came back and ended up in the brig and I got court martialed,

Unknown Speaker 7:01
but you got it, here's the thing, you just you still have to remember this, you are not alone, you are not alone. And and, and so and, and because of that, you're also you're not a bad person, you you're a product of all the things that have happened, but you clearly are a good person, because you cared enough about your daughter and you cared you care enough about these other veterans enough to you know, to pull yourself out of it. So a your you got the

Unknown Speaker 7:32
true on that strength. But

Unknown Speaker 7:36
one thing I think is because I ended up, I did end up going through it all and I got a good discharge and all that, but but then I had problems after I got out. But the one thing that I think sometimes can be the most powerful for helping other people is if somebody else is for lack of a better way of saying it just as basic as them or less, you know, like, you know, coming from a simple place. Like I wasn't like, anything special. Like, you know, as far as you know, I think Marines in themselves are special. But right now, like, as far as anything, we're just any my buddies having problems. You know, I was the guy that was actually like a problem the whole time. And so, I would hope that any kind of problems that somebody else would have, they wouldn't be too embarrassed to come, you know, speak to me about them. You know, like, it's, that's how a story can actually help a lot of times, I think is just just to let other people open up and talk because there's a huge stigma in our country right now even about talking. You know, like, I thought that was the one thing I was talking about about even the the killing thing, you know, I'm Dude, I specifically remember in the streets, Ramadi I don't remember one single marine. crying about shooting somebody, right? In fact, we all wanted to shoot more. Like it was fun. It was fun. Like, I would be lying. If I said it wasn't fun. We're having a blast. Like, it sucks when when our guys got hurt. You know, that was the horrible part when our guys got hurt or killed. But as far as us killing them, we liked that part. Like, you know, hey, you know the hell with you guys. Like you help you guys. You guys heard one of ours? Well, I try to like 30 you guys, you know, or whatever. You know, that's the war game, you know? But so when you come back here, it seems like so many guys feel like, and I think it's like a pressure like that they need to speak a certain way or some it's like they it's like they feel like they need to act like like they just did what they had to do that they can't openly admit. Mm hmm. It was awesome. Like we were warriors, you know, we were kicking ass like, Okay, come back and do the war dances and do the war songs and stuff. So they kind of got an accurate like, oh, like I guess

Unknown Speaker 10:03
violence is such a it's such a integral part. I mean, you look you look back to the the gladiators. And they it was entertainment. I mean, how we still have boxing, we just don't get to kill each other or or UUU UFC? Yeah. You know, that's what I mean. So violence is war. And back then, you know, they would put you know, animals against people. And it was still even still we have bull fights. But the point is, violence is such a so to suggest that it doesn't, it doesn't exist, or it shouldn't, it isn't part of our nature. And the thing is, you guys were doing a job as opposed to entertaining each other. But anyway, so go ahead,

Unknown Speaker 10:41
what they want to say is like, one spot where I've seen, and And granted, I can say this, you know, maybe maybe guys didn't want me talking because the way that I am I've been, you know, a huge asshole at certain times, like I was, I was pretty, pretty mean, you know, like, you know, the guys that I was with, they know me pretty well, a I'm pretty well known. But so maybe they didn't want me to be like the mouthpiece for the way I was at the time or somebody's voice. And I remember one time, they're telling me how I was talking about something and, and I don't know that these were specific guys I was with but it was on it. It was on a Marine Corps infantry group. And they just started preaching at me about how we needed to be silent professionals not talk. And I'm like, you know, that's a problem. That is a problem like, we, we are hurting ourselves. If you look over at the guy next to you, and he's been tore and say is the guy that is hurting inside and say, you know, say he sad, say he feels like, you know, he's going to go to hell or something and he needs to talk about or something. Don't try to close his mouth die. Right? Because anything in this life, when you have problems, it's a known fact that speaking and getting that stuff out of you is like getting rid of a poison. You know. And so, in that way, there's a there's a good part of the military community that preaches that silent professional thing. And I'm sure you've probably heard it before. You know, and, and on one note, yeah, that's nice to be all professional. But on the flip side, no, it's a terrible idea. There's a reason why warriors back in the day, they came back and told their stories. And they you know, and everybody was proud of them. Now, it's like if people come back and actually tell the real story of the really the way things went down, you got people looking at them, like they're crazy, and you're going good, we're doing the job for you. Like, I understand this might seem a little crazy to listen about some guys brain getting knocked out in the dirt. But that's actually what's getting done for you. That's what's getting

Unknown Speaker 12:51
done this. This is what I want to ask this is what I would ask of you. Because that I mean, that is the whole idea behind Hero Harbor, there's there's two aspects to it, the giving us because everybody in there is I you can create an account without being verified. So anybody could technically create an account, however, you have to be verified as a real person, and as a member of the military community, or the Hero community, in order to actually communicate with anyone. Because I'm not a I'm not having scammers and bullshit like that there's a zero tolerance policy as far as that that goes. And there's also zero tolerance for that hate speech against against heroes. So the first time that happens, you report you're out of here, and I will make sure you don't come back. So the point is that we have a safe place to have those conversations with others that are just like us now. There's, there's two, there's a couple aspects of it. I offered as from my personal standpoint, such as you know, if you like right now you don't have a business, you don't have a cause other than just wanting to help. So you can go in there and you can put these are my interests at you're a hunter, right? I remember seeing pictures, didn't you? Yeah, okay, so you can put the you know, you have your hunting, you're a Marine, you can put fifth Marines and you can put black heart and you can put all it all of those interests, we call them tags, and then you can search for others like you and we're going to work on starting to put in the actual unit so that you can choose and that will auto fill those types. But anyway, then you can go in and you can search for people like you. So you can just be a shoulder or you can find a shoulder if that's what you need. Now, if you have a business or have a cause, because I would like to help you, as you know, achieve that goal of that dream of making those cabins and such for better, then what we'll do is we will will put your the URL to your your site, and it will be a the name of your company will be in gold so that all the gold tags are you know, we have verify that this person owns this company or runs this cause or whatever. So the idea is you and then you continue to have your website, you continue doing your thing from your website, but you're not having to fight off all the fake accounts and all the other crap and all the hate speech and all that stuff. You can you have a safe space to communicate and you can concentrate on doing what you do best creating the content or helping the people that you're out to help. So that's that's the whole idea behind it. Of course, the way to make it work is to get people in there. So I would I'm going to I'm going to beg you from bended knee if I need if you asked me to, to go and create an account, I will verify you here and then start helping me get you know, if you know other veterans and other heroes police fire, you know, start getting them in there and start having those communication those, those conversations because like I said, you can schedule stuff with it, we can schedule unit reunions, we can schedule whatever we want, if even if it's just coffee with a fellow veteran. And the thing is, because there's a lot of connections that can be made. For instance, I have, I know somebody who runs an Etsy, basically, for veteran artists, I know a whole lot of veteran artists, but I am one person. And so for me to manually keep trying to to make those connections, I can't do it forever. But if we get each other in there, you see what i'm saying is is and that's so that's that's the idea behind it. The other thing is that we have video profiles, so you can take you know your story. And and you and what any one of those videos that you've recorded, and you can put it in there. And that that allows people to hear, but it's in one place you're not having to, you know, because Frank, you look, I don't know how many people I didn't look at how many people you follow or accounts you follow. But for me Even I only follow a couple hundred. And yet I cannot possibly see all the content because I you know, I don't go on there all the time. Now what I do do is if like, with yours, and in some cases I'll go through and I will like I single accounts all as much of their stuff as I possibly can, and or in support of them. But if we if we're in HH, and we don't have to worry about that shit. It's not this fire hose of information, you know what I'm saying? So there's lots of people who believe in it, but they're still not going, they haven't yet gone in there because they haven't seen you know, anyway. So that's, I'm hoping the tech the tech solution for us to, to have that platform to communicate and share with each other without that the noise and the bullshit. Anyway, so go ahead.

Unknown Speaker 17:45
Reason. The reason I ended up getting an Instagram was because one of my brothers started up a Patreon site for me. And so I write love shorts. What does that mean? It's, it's where, like you, people can go on Patreon. And they can post stories they write, or they can put art that they do, or they can put songs that they write, you know, it's just another

Unknown Speaker 18:13
there's another site called medium, it's more or less the same.

Unknown Speaker 18:16
It's it's more like instead of being like Instagram, though, like people donate money on there, like you can put it so that people have to pay like $2 to join or something like say, you don't get as much of that you pretty much just the people you would get with just be people that want to see what you got, you know, so I ended up, I barely gotten started. That's why it's called fragments of a black car is I'm planning on writing stories from when I was a kid,

Unknown Speaker 18:45
right? You're always talented writer, I saw some of your stuff, and you're very good content. So that's awesome.

Unknown Speaker 18:52
And so, because I like to write, I used to write stories all the time, I just throw away. And then you know, whatever, my brother started this, so though I'll start piling icon only got like, 25 written so far in there. They're all fairly short stories, you know, but we'll see what happens with it. But a lot of that, you know, is like just an outlet for me. Because, like I say, I think it's a terrible thing where we have so many people that feel like they can't speak. No, they like it's a bad thing. It's taboo. Even, you know, I've heard this a million times, like say, like, I'm, I'm more of a talker than most probably most vets that I know, like that I was with, you know, like, most of the guys I know, they're probably not telling that many stories about what happened. Whatever, there might be a few, but not very many anyways. So I'll be telling say, I'll be telling some story. And I've had people look me straight in the face. And they'll be like, Well, my great grandpa songs always in whatever war or whatever. And

Unknown Speaker 19:58
so that makes you an expert.

Unknown Speaker 20:00
You don't talk about it. Right? So people that talk about it, they have never been there. And I'm like, okay, like, What an idiot? Like, how do you think we ever got all of our history from from before we had the internet before we had all these things? guys came back and talked about it's just nowadays, it's so taboo, that guys don't talk about it. Women don't talk.

Unknown Speaker 20:22
Okay. So let me ask you this. Do you think it may be? Like, you know, you're talking about the groups that are the people that said, you know, silent professionalism, or whatever it was, um, do you think they do that because of the backlash from civilians? I mean, do you think that they're trying to? Well, I guess what I'm asking is, if they had a safe place where they can have those conversations without hurt, but hurting the feelings of people who don't know better, I

Unknown Speaker 20:53
was in a totally secret group. Uh huh. That was in a tote.

Unknown Speaker 20:58
That was insane. Don't talk about here. They're saying don't talk about it ever. Like been pretty much at

Unknown Speaker 21:03
all? I guess. You know, like, apparently, unless we're like, at the bar together something. Warriors always tell stories that were stories together sitting at the bar, but I don't know. I mean, that's just, it's baffled me. You know, it's baffled me. I mean, I think, I don't know if it's just, I don't know, I don't know, it's always it's been a little bit of a mystery to me. I don't know why there's so much stigma around it. I myself have always wanted to know other people's stories. I want to know other people. So that's how you break down people freeze all day long. I love listening to be that's

Unknown Speaker 21:38
how we break down the stigmas, for instance, and this, you know, and it was the most amazing experience. So I was in Augusta A while back in October, and it actually was the 31st of October, I was trying to get the hell out of there cuz I don't get a lot of sleep. And I had a five hour drive here to New Smyrna, or I'm in Orlando now but to new New Smyrna. But I was in I was wanting to get a tarp to cover stuff on my truck. And I start, there's a gentleman there, and he and I ran into each other twice. And so the second time, we just start talking, and neither of us is wearing anything that says anything about you know, military or anything, we're talking. And if you can't talk to me for five minutes without learning, I was a marine. That's just what happens. And as soon as I say that, to him, his eyes get big as saucers. And he, you know, says whatever he does, but he was he's a World War Two, know, Vietnam era veteran. And anyways, we continue talking, and come to find out because he had said something about his wife. And so I asked him, because, like you I want to know stories. And I want to make those genuine connections. And so I asked him, and he said that he had lost her. And as it turns out, he lost her just barely a month earlier on my birthday. Yeah, so we, you know, we continue talking, and I don't know what anybody else in Walmart thought about us. But we hugged, we cried, we hugged again, we cried some more. And it was it was the most amazing, I have his number, and I need to reach out to him. But it's, that's the thing. It's like we and you know, one of the things somebody asked me some time ago, a young civilian had asked me, How do we, how do and this was actually prior to that interaction with that man. He'd asked me, How do we say thank you? Or how do we support our veterans, if we don't know that they're veterans, and for a minute, I was stumped. I was like, and then I was like, You know what, that's not the point. We need to be supporting everyone. And I said, and just being nicer in general. And I said, then maybe through that conversation, we learned that they're a veteran, and then you can say, thank you. But the fact is, we just need to be kinder across the board. But then just a couple of days later, or, you know, whatever, I have that conversation. And it was the very thing I was saying that so rules, you're not shutting that guy out through learning about him. I we had an amazing experience. And and we were both able to uplift each other. Um, I had, there was something in that, that I was thinking that I wanted to ask you, though? I don't know. Anyway. Um, but so anyway, so what are your thoughts? I mean, was there something else that you had?

Unknown Speaker 24:23
I don't know. Like, if,

Unknown Speaker 24:27
like, as far as the whole

Unknown Speaker 24:30
guys having problems, people having problems.

Unknown Speaker 24:35
You know, it's hard to face but

Unknown Speaker 24:39
it might take 10 years, it might take 15 years, like, and the fight continues, like, you know, I mean, for me, I had a, I was lucky, I had a spot to go to, um, shortly after all that VA stuff, I ended up getting connected with the VA. And in that I was, I was lucky because even though I discarded their pills and stuff, I had some income. So I've never been, I've never been lazy. I've never, I've never been lazy, like I've never been. I've never been, I just never happen. I know. So. But anyways, I took like, I don't know, I took like, I can't remember a few months, I ended up up in Alaska for a while my daughter, and then I ended up out on the ranch in Montana. And I was lucky there because I ended up working I worked there for I mean, this is a literally a testament to like, where our minds are, you know, because I worked there for three solid years, like, every single day, you know, not slacking like the morning till night and into the nights and stuff for free. Like, I never pulled a paycheck. And I, I read people just don't do that, you know, like I've ever gotten asked, like, like, Hey, you want a paycheck, or what's going on here. And I told him, I said, very literally can't handle having a boss, right? Like, I can't handle at this point in my life. I can't handle somebody telling me how to tie my shoes, nothing. I'm not taking orders from anybody, period. I just couldn't, you know, I had to walk away. Now I'm in a different spot, I'm able to actually, you know, be a little bit nicer. But at the time,

Unknown Speaker 26:26
it's not nicer. And this is the thing, and this is something that staffs are brown and I talked about is that, you know, I say I'm an entrepreneur, because either I quit, or they fire me, because we are again, we're overachievers, we. We are problem solvers. We have to be because I mean, you had that you had to think on your feet all the time, and you had to fix things. You couldn't do this. You couldn't be apathetic, you couldn't let things just oh, that's the way it is no, bullshit, I gotta fix it, or I'm going to die, or I gotta fix it or you know, whatever. And so I say, I'm, I'm a control freak, but I don't, I don't need to control other people. I need to control my environment. And this whole idea of because I've been told, I told her, I said, I've been told that you can't follow directions. I'm like, I'm a marine motherfucker. My life was about directions. You know, it's not that even when I was in the Marine Corps, because I said, so doesn't cut it. You know, I am an intelligent person, and I'm going to reason it out. And, and, and I don't you know, when I so this is here's a story and I, I told the, this was a marine that I worked with at Parris Island. I told him a few years ago, we met in, met up in Colorado, and I said, you know, my first memory of you, and he said, you know, and so I told him, he, I was 23, he joined much younger. So when I got to Parris Island as permanent personnel, he outranked me. And as I said, it was back in the film days. So the guys the Marines, you process our film, we're up above us. And so I had gone up up there to drop off some some. And as I'm coming back down, this corporal hands me his stuff, and tells me to go back up there. So I said, Sorry, I'm doing something for Gunny, which was a blatant lie. But I am not, that was bullshit. I'm not doing I'm not being your, you know, your bitch. You know, not if this if if there had been something, you know, if he'd been, you know, whatever, you know what I'm saying. So, even back then, just because I said, so doesn't fly. So, the point is, so now, and you know, you said about 10 years, 15 years, that's the thing I told you, I was I was I was 48. So I got out when I was 2823. So 2728, something like that was when I got out so. So 20 years later, is when I figure out what I can do best in the world. And the thing is, I started and stopped so many things. Because I would have just been another shingle, you know, on the street, it would, I would just been another, you know, me too. And that wasn't good enough for me, I needed to find what I could do best in all the world better than anyone else. And I found it, but it took me 20 years. And it took and it was numerous suicide attempts. And so we've got that's what my point is that we got to get these people, these men and women past that darkness, because it might take that long for them to figure out. And it might take that long for the environment to to be created, where they are, where their niche lands.

Unknown Speaker 29:27
take that long. And the more that they give all these meds the longer it takes. Exactly. I don't care

Unknown Speaker 29:33
what anybody says. I

Unknown Speaker 29:37
all they're doing is prolonging, right. Yes. And making it worse. In the end,

Unknown Speaker 29:43
when when I had been off of the meds for I don't know how long and and, and I realized I was doing so much better. And when I sat down and started thinking about it, and, and I in my book, I mentioned this, I said, you know, it was I said I start crying. I said but this wasn't, this wasn't that sad, you know, just, I don't feel good. I don't, I don't feel good kind of thing. This was body racking sobs of total grieving loss. It's, I have, I have given up almost 20 years 20 fucking years of my life. I was right, I was barely treading water. Now.

Unknown Speaker 30:24
I got the same

Unknown Speaker 30:33
you know, where I, you know, I managed to graduate college finally, at the age of 43. Yes, and and I got the whole weight thing under control. But beyond that I was treading water the whole time. Luckily, I'm a good swimmer. And that's that's an you know, it's insane. And again, if any one of those suicide attempts had had succeeded, I would not be here to do the things that you know, that we have set out to do. And that's what I'm getting at is that we've got a you know, we've got to help these men and women, we've got to get them to a place where

Unknown Speaker 31:06
I think if I didn't have my daughter, if I didn't have my daughter originally, and

Unknown Speaker 31:12
and I didn't end up having that ranch where I ended up going out and job. I mean, that all kind of went to hell now. But it worked for the years that I was there

Unknown Speaker 31:20
and got through and that's what if I wouldn't have had that in a

Unknown Speaker 31:23
place where I could go like that. I don't know. Because the problem is, is like there's a lot of guys that end up in situations where they can't work through these different jobs or with these different people. And they get labeled as lazy. Yes, yes.

Unknown Speaker 31:43
Oh my god. And that's, that

Unknown Speaker 31:45
kills the guys. He's like, say for me, that's I'm not okay with ever having that label. So,

Unknown Speaker 31:52
but not lazy, and they're not crazy.

Unknown Speaker 31:54
Yeah, weird as it may sound

Unknown Speaker 31:58
wasn't a I was able to work. What I was able to work if I was under any kind of pressure.

Unknown Speaker 32:04
No, I get it. I get it. I was gone.

Unknown Speaker 32:07
Yeah. You know, like, I'm not doing it. I'm out of here. You know, I just couldn't deal with the pressure. Right? And that sounds weak to

Unknown Speaker 32:15
know, it wasn't. It's just,

Unknown Speaker 32:17
it's just know like, when when a person thinks about it, it sounds like some sort of weakness. And maybe maybe this maybe it doesn't. But it's where I was at the time. It's where a lot of guys end up being I know that for a fact, I've been watching other guys have talked to guys. It's a terrible thing. But

Unknown Speaker 32:34
yeah, okay, I'll give you a for instance,

Unknown Speaker 32:36
oh, yeah, isn't the spot to go, there isn't a real spot to go. And our society, sadly, just doesn't understand what it really takes to take care of people. Yeah, doesn't take pills. If we spent all these assets, that we medicate people and everything, we could take people take care of people in the right way and get them back out into the workforce. They're doing it the opposite way. And sometimes I have to wonder if it's on purpose, right? You know, so well,

Unknown Speaker 33:12
any when you talk about anytime I know. And that has crossed my mind too. Because anytime you talk about the pharmaceutical industry or the insurance industry, and this is again, a for instance that I you know I mentioned in in the book is that, you know, they we love labels, and a number of years ago, the American Medical Association, labeled obesity as a disease. Obesity is a lifestyle problem, it is not a disease, a disease is something you catch, you do not catch obesity. But when you have stores that have candy on sale, and you you you push your people to say, Oh, hey, this is on sale. And then we judge these people who you know, and say, oh, they're weak, they don't have no, you know, whatever we we build anyway, the point is, when they as soon as they did that, as soon as they made, made that a disease, then all of a sudden, it opens the floodgates for more surgeries, more insurance, more drugs, all of that stuff, when what we need is the right motivation. Not you need to look good, or you need it. No, we need the right. Because when you knew and I know that when, when it's for the right reason, you can do anything, you got better, because you are doing it for your daughter, when we have the right motivation, whether it be for someone else, then we can fix anything. But the point is that all the when you start putting in insurance and all that greed, all that corporate greed, oh, you know, it just there, you cannot separate those, there's, there's, you know, anytime that there's lots of money involved, there's, you know,

Unknown Speaker 34:56
not getting separated, that's why we just have to do our own thing, right.

Unknown Speaker 35:00
So when we hang up here, you're going to go create an account, right? And then and I will verify you and then little by little, because like I said, whatever you want to promote, if in terms of you know, whatever it is, I don't know what you have going on. But if you have something specifically, you know, a website, or any of that stuff that you we and you gave me an idea when we were talking to when you're talking about your artwork, I don't hurt your writing, because like I said, You're an amazing writer, I you're very talented. And the thing is, it's cathartic for you, so it doesn't matter if it's good or not. But some, somehow we will figure out my big challenge right now is that my business partner is my ex husband, and he went back to work to help fund all of this, what I started say earlier, when you're talking about being lazy, you know, it's, um, I recently quit a job, I was walking a dog for this lady twice a day, because it gave me the freedom to continue doing this. I'm yet still getting a regular paycheck, but I was having to

Unknown Speaker 36:05
have having to form

Unknown Speaker 36:08
whatever, to plan my entire freaking day around her. And, and getting, you know, getting through traffic and all that stuff. And the thing is her dog, she let her dog out to pee in the yard. So it was strictly for walks for exercise for the dog. It's a little bitty dog. And that's all good. And I you know, jump through any hoops. She wanted, whatever, but she'd already dressed me down once before about being late. And and you know, the end, you know, and I apologize, and you know, I was really pissed off. I was like, I need the money. You know, we'll just we'll just gonna let it slide. But there was a couple of weeks ago, as I said, I don't sleep. So I gone the VA has approved acupuncture for me. And so I was there it was, I was going to be finished right at the time that I was supposed to be with her. And I tried to reschedule it, but I couldn't either way, you know, she was, you know, you're pissed off and whatever. And as I talked my business partner, I said, Mike, it's gonna take me 40 minutes to get there, and she's liable to fire me anyway. And it's like, No, you don't get to treat me like that, and then fire me know, fuck it. I'm out of here. And I blocked her. And then I got through another organization, she's been trying to reach me to come back to work for her for her whore. Sorry, 40 and slip. But the point is that it's not lazy. I you point me in the direction and I there is Nobody works harder. But it's it's but I also have standards and you don't i don't care who's paying the bills you don't get to treat. So,

Unknown Speaker 37:37
you know, like say for me, I'm one of them kind of people, I have to be interested in what I'm doing. I'm not going to, like I had said in one of my videos a couple days ago or something. Money in itself has no motivating power over me. Like to probably a fault. Yeah, I motivated me more. But it does not what I do. And what I want to do motivates me. You know, as far as if it's something I want to do, I'll be more motivated about something that makes no money, right, rather than something that makes me a millionaire if I'm interested in it. Right?

Unknown Speaker 38:13
Absolutely. Well, and that's

Unknown Speaker 38:16
just the way that way.

Unknown Speaker 38:18
Well, the thing is, there's so many people who are driven by money, and that's why we have all that crap is because all they you know, that's all they care about is money. And so they don't care who they hurt in the meantime. So you know, for you and I and that's why I'm so thankful that you know, very more very more as a dating app and verint more is fully You know, it is a it's a for profit company, however, and we're not focusing on right now they're both very, very new. I am thankful for that. Because Hero Harbor is nonprofit, and it will always be that way. And the so I can Hero Harbor allows me to help people. And one we get that up and running and and sort of taking care of itself, then I can go back over to bear more and it will earn a ton of money. But one of the things I'm so proud of is that at some point, I will be able to say you can and here is proof run a stupidly profitable company and not be an asshole, you know, and not treat people badly. And that's what I can't wait to get to that day and I will I just like, you know, like, over around through that mountains going away. That's that's what we do. But

Unknown Speaker 39:34
yeah, I I definitely, you know, I feel better. I feel better now than I have in a lot of years. But I feel I got lucky in a way where I had a place to go. And I'm telling you is still was good blacked out drunk in my

Unknown Speaker 39:53
get it on the

Unknown Speaker 39:54
edge of the freakin river wasted, you know, freaking out, you know, I mean, I'd wake up in the morning, get on my Facebook and I'd be deleting stuff open SWAT teams didn't show up or something. I remember delete, I wouldn't even remember putting most of

Unknown Speaker 40:12
my contacts I all kinds of crazy stuff. And then afterwards, a lot of times I regret it, but I just get pissy and it's like you can't trust anything I after I poured a drink it just forget it. But so Okay, so here's what we're gonna do, we're going to wrap up so that your phone doesn't die and on but and we're getting thing is we're going to stay in touch whether through all of this. So you're going to go create an account, they I would just just to. He's trying he's supposed to be uploading a new version, this this weekend, that's going to fix a whole bunch of stuff. But just to please me, there is a marine in there, the marine that I launched the first part of his story and his name, you can't miss it. It's Staff Sergeant Brown, he's got in his profile picture. It's got a USMC thing on it, just to make me happy. And I will check up on you create an account and just send a message him just say, Hey, dude, you know, and and just because, like I said, his in his story, all of our stories are so similar. And if we can start and I'm teasing, if you don't do it, it's it's not going to be the end of my world. But the fact is, we can, you know, we can help each other by doing those things. You know, we, because the thing is you still struggle, I still struggle, he still struggles. He's got an amazing wife. He was dating his wife before he went in or, you know, yeah, they were they got married while he was in. But you know, and she's still there with him. And so, but he still struggles after all this. And that's why he joined the app. I didn't ask him to I didn't know anything about it. We we met because he joined the app, but he had read, you know my stuff. And he, I'm telling you, that was the most amazing thing for me. Because, you know, for him to say and he said it during the interview, he said I was just so touched by what you're doing. And I could have died right at that moment, and never been happier. Because that's what I'm trying to do. Anyway. So I'm gonna let you go. But we're going to stay in touch. If you have you have my number. And so feel free to use you have my email, Dawn and Hero Harbor. But use those things or read to create account reach out to me through the app, I'm here and there and I will point you to other people, you know, if you don't want to talk to me, I'll point you to other you know, other men, whatever. We've been through it and and we can help each other. So yeah, thank you.

Unknown Speaker 42:21
Yes, awesome. And I said, I will go back and listen to some of your, some of your things. Some your, your your discussion, so all right.

Unknown Speaker 42:31
All right. Bye,

Unknown Speaker 42:38
baby, baby.

Unknown Speaker 42:45
What's your what's your woman's name there? Brandi. Say it again. Her name is Brandy. Brandy. Hi, Brandi. Hi. I love your hair, by the way. Oh, thank you, my Vera more Hero Harbor is, you know, it's different, but whatever. But I'm very more which was the beginning of Hero Harbor is purple. And so every time I was, in fact, the shirt I'm wearing right now is is a very more shirt. It's purple. But when I was going and presenting my company, I always had purple things in my hair, and I wore purple dresses, or purple scarves or whatever. Ah, there is.

Unknown Speaker 43:27
That one, buddy? You're trying to get out of

Unknown Speaker 43:33
there? I didn't have one. Oh, okay. All right, I answered the call with the regular button. You know? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 43:40
no worries. But anyway, yeah, there's, like I said that you cannot, you cannot separate those. There's, there's, you know, anytime that there's lots of money involved, there's, you know,

Unknown Speaker 43:51
not getting separated, that's why we just have to do our own thing,

Unknown Speaker 43:54
right. So when we hang up here, you're going to go create an account, right? And then and I will verify you and then little by little, because like I said, whatever you want to promote, if in terms of you know, whatever it is, I don't know what you have going on. But if you have something specifically, you know, a website, or any of that stuff that you we and you gave me an idea when we were talking to when you're talking about your artwork, I don't hurt your writing. Because like I said, You're an amazing writer, you're very talented. And the thing is, it's cathartic for you, so it doesn't matter if it's good or not. But some, somehow, we will figure out my big challenge right now is it my business partner is my ex husband, and he went back to work to help fund all of this, what I started to say earlier, when you talk about being lazy, you know, it's, um, I recently quit a job, I was walking a dog for this lady twice a day, because it gave me the freedom to continue doing this. Yet, still getting a regular paycheck, but I was having to

Unknown Speaker 45:00
have having to form

Unknown Speaker 45:03
whatever to play in my entire freaking day around her. And, and getting, you know, getting through traffic and all that stuff. And the thing is her dog, she let her dog out to pee in the yard. So it was strictly for walks for exercise for the dog. It's a little bitty dog. And that's all good. And I you know, jump through any hoops. She wanted, whatever, but she'd already dressed me down once before about being late. And and, you know, the end, you know, and I apologize, and you know, I was really pissed off. I was like, I need the money. You know, we'll just we'll just gonna let it slide. But there was a couple of weeks ago, as I said, I don't sleep. So I don, the VA has approved acupuncture for me. And so I was there it was, it was going to be it finished right at the time that I was supposed to be with her. And I tried to reschedule it, but I couldn't either way, you know, she was you know, you're pissed off and whatever. And as I told my business partner, I said, Mike, it's gonna take me 40 minutes to get there, and she's liable to fire me anyway. And it's like, No, you don't get to treat me like that, and then fire me. No, fuck it. I'm out of here. And I blocked her. And then I got through another organization. She's been trying to reach me to come back to work for her for her. For sorry, 40 and slip. But the point is that it's not lazy. I you point me in the direction and I there's Nobody works harder. But it's but I also have standards and you don't i don't care who's paying the bills, you don't get to treat my also,

Unknown Speaker 46:32
you know, like say for me, I'm one of them kind of people I have to be interested in what I'm doing is I'm not going to, like I had said in one of my videos a couple days ago or something. Money in itself has no motivating power over me. Like to probably a fault. Yeah, I motivated me more. But it does not what I do. And what I want to do motivates me, you know, as as far as if it's something I want to do, I'll be more motivated about something that makes no money, right, rather than something that makes me a millionaire if I'm interested in it.

Unknown Speaker 47:08
Right? Absolutely. Well, and that's

Unknown Speaker 47:11
just the way a lot of that way.

Unknown Speaker 47:14
Well, the thing is, there's so many people who are driven by money, and that's why we have all that crap is because all they you know, that's all they care about is money. And so they don't care who they hurt in the meantime. So you know, for you and I and that's why I'm so thankful that, you know, very more very more as a dating app, and verint is fully You know, it is a it's a for profit company, however, and we're not focusing on right now. They're both very, very new. I am thankful for that. Because Hero Harbor is nonprofit, and it will always be that way. And the so I can Hero Harbor allows me to help people. And once we get that up and running and and sort of taking care of itself, then I I can go back over here to bear more and it will earn a ton of money. But one of the things I'm so proud of is that at some point, I will be able to say you can and here is proof run a stupidly profitable company and not be an asshole, you know, and not treat people badly. And that's what I can't wait to get to that day and I will I just like, you know, like, overwhelmed through that mountains going away. That's that's what we do. But

Unknown Speaker 48:29
yeah, I I definitely, you know, I feel better. I feel better now than I have in a lot of years. But I feel I got lucky in a way where I had a place to go. And I'm telling you, it still was the blacked out drunken, like, get it on the edge of the freakin river wasted, you know, freaking out, you know, I mean, I'd wake up in the morning, get on my Facebook and I'd be doing leaving stuff hoping SWAT teams didn't show up or something. I remember. I wouldn't even remember putting most

Unknown Speaker 49:08
contacts I all kinds of crazy stuff. And then afterwards, a lot of times I regret it but I just get pissy and it's like you can't trust anything I after I poured a drink it just forget it. But so Okay, so here's what we're gonna do we're gonna wrap up so that your phone doesn't die and on but and we're thing is we're going to stay in touch whether through all of this so you're going to go create an account. They I was just just to. He's trying he's supposed to be uploading a new version, this this weekend, that's going to fix a whole bunch of stuff. But just to please me, there is a marine and there the marine that I launched the first part of his story and his name, you can't miss it it Staff Sergeant Brown, he's got in his profile picture. It's got a USMC thing on it, just to make me happy. And I will check up on you create an account and just send a message to him just say Hey, dude, you know, and and just because, like I said, his his story, all of our stories are so similar. And if we can start and I'm teasing, if you don't do it, it's not going to be the end of my world. But the fact is, we can we can help each other by doing those things. You know, we because the thing is you still struggle, I still struggle, he still struggles. He's got an amazing wife. He was dating his wife before he went in or, you know, yeah, they were they got married while he was in. But you know, and she's still there with him. And so, but he still struggles after all this. And that's why he joined the app. I didn't ask him to I didn't know anything about it. We we met because he joined the app, but he had read, you know my stuff. And I'm telling you, that was the most amazing thing for me, because, you know, for him to say and he said it during the interview, he said I was just so touched by what you're doing. And I could have died right at that moment and never been happier because that's what I'm trying to do. Anyway. So I'm gonna let you go but we're going to stay in touch. If you have you have my number. And so feel free to use you have my email dawn and Hero Harbor, but use those things or read to create account reach out to me through the app, I'm here and and there and I will point you to other people, you know, if you don't want to talk to me, I'll point you to other you know, other men, whatever. We've been through it and and we can help each other. So yeah, thank you.

Unknown Speaker 51:17
Yes, awesome. And

Unknown Speaker 51:18
I will go back and listen to some of your some of your things, some your, your your discussion, so

Unknown Speaker 51:24
I will talk to you later.

Unknown Speaker 51:26
All right. Bye.