Each Hero Interview Has Been Machine Translated and Will Be Edited As Soon As Possible

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Season 2 Episode 48 Marine Veteran Brian Chontosh

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Founder of Crooked Butterfly Ranch and Host of Crooked Butterfly Podcast

Unknown Speaker 0:01
Welcome back. This evening, I have the pleasure of speaking with Tosh. Better. Let me see, let me see. Let me I'm gonna I'm gonna give this a try because he just pronounced it for me. Your first name is Brian, right?

Unknown Speaker 0:17
That's correct.

Unknown Speaker 0:18
Okay, so it's Brian Sean Tosh. Right? Okay. And he says, My journalistic create a curiosity mine had to ask. And he says it's Hungarian. Anyway, thank you so very much for being here.

Unknown Speaker 0:33
Yeah, please,

Unknown Speaker 0:35
I talk to you my first

Unknown Speaker 0:39
officer.

Unknown Speaker 0:41
interview. So he's the first for us. We just finished doing our first group interviews. I'm very excited both of those first. Tosh is a marine. And I keep saying in my, my interview is a marine heavy be not because I don't invite everyone else. But because of the Marines are the ones who show up. So before we get to I do, there's so many things I want to ask you.

Unknown Speaker 1:03
And that, you know, I

Unknown Speaker 1:05
want to talk to you about. I want to give a real quick back story about how I, as best as I can how we came to me, I truthfully don't know where I learned about your podcast. It's just some somewhere in my research somewhere. It said, you know, you have a podcast called crooked butterfly. And so I went and checked it out. And I listened to a couple episodes, and I was just so struck by first of all, Tosh is the antithesis of what everyone thinks of as a marine. He is very, very cerebral. If you listen to his listen to his podcast, you'll discover very quickly that he's not, you know, just a big dumb bullet stopper. Like Like, they typically think of us. And and so I that was so very cool to me.

Unknown Speaker 1:52
But I have to ask you, where did you get the?

Unknown Speaker 1:55
Anyway, so when I started listening to him, I was impressed. So I went and reached out to him and he was kind enough to grant grant me the interview.

Unknown Speaker 2:01
Where does the name cricket butterfly come from?

Unknown Speaker 2:06
Oh, man, a bunch of different things just kind of lined up a little bit on the romantic side with, with my partner, Nicole. And

Unknown Speaker 2:16
ultimately, it's just

Unknown Speaker 2:19
butterflies don't fly in straight lines, their paths are crooked. And they're there, they're no less beautiful. Because Because the direction that they travel is suspect to wind, environmental and life as we know it. And I think that's just a lot like us, you know, we try so hard to drive these straight, linear directions, these paths and it's just not the case. And when we embrace we embrace our journey being just as it's supposed to be, you know, crooked a little offbeat here and there, you know, in the right direction at times. And sometimes we blow a drift that we recognize life truly is beautiful. So we started our leadership business and it became cricket butterfly.

Unknown Speaker 3:04
I love it. See, I told you very cerebral demand does not leave anything on thought. Okay, so all right. So tell me, tell me about the business. If you don't mind real quickly, because I you've got nearly 30 I have not been able to I wanted typically, I would have done more research and found out more about you. But the fact that you are, you're a marine was just about all I need to know.

Unknown Speaker 3:28
So yeah, tell me tell me about what what it is that you guys do

Unknown Speaker 3:31
before we get into some of the topics that struck me so much.

Unknown Speaker 3:36
I like to well, we were experiential learning in the leadership field, and we leverage nature. You know, you can't, you can't lie to nature, we lie to ourselves all the time, we surround ourselves with people that allow us to lie to ourselves. And they they reverberate the same message that we want to hear we like to hear but Mother Nature, she just doesn't doesn't allow that. In fact, even when she does and allow it is non judgmental, there's nothing emotional about it, there's nothing personal about it, it's just is what it is. And I find that a lot of my leadership philosophies, my life, directions and guidance is are amplified when I'm out there in nature. So what I like to do is, I like to take units, teams, individuals, whatever, find out what their value systems are. And I create customized experiences to get us outdoors a little bit and discuss leadership life. And all of those things, it takes out a bunch of different platforms, depending on you know, the client, but ultimately, it's a leadership company that uses experiential learning outdoors to facilitate team team dynamics, excellence, things like that.

Unknown Speaker 4:49
There's a another organization I learned about recently, I think it's called the program. And they they are almost, they're owned by and almost completely run by their instructors are nearly very marine heavy, but nearly all military. And what they do is they're working to move into a corporate environment, but

Unknown Speaker 5:13
to this,

Unknown Speaker 5:14
to this point, they've typically been they work with athletes, college athletes, things like that teams. And they, when I was I had dinner with the one of the owners one night and he was saying that they do it through adversity, training and you know, sort of a slightly watered down version of, you know, military boot camp type thing, you know, just teach, you know, pushing you teaching you that you can do more you know that you're physically capable of doing more and and, you know, teaching them to work, teamwork and things like that.

Unknown Speaker 5:49
So it sounds,

Unknown Speaker 5:50
you know, it sounds like what you guys do while it's slightly different in terms of target audience. You're still you're, you're you're using, you're taking what you learned in the military. And you're you're, you're you're turning it into something usable out here, which is and so I applaud both of both of your companies for that, you know that anyway.

Unknown Speaker 6:19
So Eric, Eric capitulate out there at the program was a great a great thing. He's, he's an awesome, awesome individual. And we have a mutual friend rest in peace at the exam back that runs the same thread. He was fabulous, fabulous marine. And anyways, the great organization. coast. Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 6:41
that's awesome. Yeah. So it's Sam, what happened is, I can't think of his last name right now. But anyway, Sam, the one of the CO owners was working out at my gym one day, and he is he's an amputee. And I, because of the I do it Hero Harbor, and because I am afraid of no one, no one intimidates me, my girlfriend happened to point him out. And

Unknown Speaker 7:07
just looking at him and seeing I was like,

Unknown Speaker 7:09
I would have bet every paycheck that he was a veteran. And so I went over start talking to him, and struck up a conversation. And that's how we end up, you know, having dinner and such, but, and it was just, it was all I loved what he did, because I just don't, I just don't think sometimes things I open my mouth before. Anyway I was walking into, I've got to hand him a business card, and he had his hands full. And I said something about I said you need, you don't have enough hands, or you need my hands. And then the moment it comes out my mouth, I'm like, you, idiot, you know, and he immediately without missing a beat came back with Oh, I've got plenty in my bag. I was like, I love you. Thank you, you know, it was just he just he was not you know it. I loved it. It was awesome. And I immediately knew he was my kind of person. So that kind of goes to some of the things that I was listening to I went back and listen and again to your, your pilot episode this evening. And I think it was it was a timing thing. The morning that I listened to it, I was actually leaving the gym in the morning, I listened to it. I had been I mean, I struggle with many of the same things that you do. But it was it that particular morning, it was just really heavy on my mind. And so some of the things you talk about are

Unknown Speaker 8:27
the, the back and forth of

Unknown Speaker 8:32
you know, I've often said that humility is overrated, I own my gifts, I will tell you what I'm good at. But I also own the things that are challenging about me, and I will, you know, I don't that's okay. I don't mind. If I because if I tell you what my gifts are, then you may be able to find a way to use those. And if I own up to my challenges, then and my feelings aren't hurt when somebody walks away with from a because of them, you know, but what I was struck by is just how, again, how cerebral the,

Unknown Speaker 9:07
I'm gonna have to put my old lady reading glasses on to see some of the things I

Unknown Speaker 9:09
wrote down. Oh, by the way, in, in your podcast, you said something about getting caught up. And and this is exactly what triggered it for me, you were talking about getting caught up in the details and caught up in, you know, being paralysis by analysis, basically, you know, needing to perfection. And that's, I had, I go through that constantly. But one of the things you said was, you know, worrying about a great picture. And I have to say that you actually picked a really great picture for the, for the, for the podcast cover. So you whether you intended to or not you covered that face pretty well.

Unknown Speaker 9:43
But the

Unknown Speaker 9:48
like I said, the thing that struck me that morning, and I really do want to shut up. So you can say something was just this, we can't help people if we're constantly if we have a good message, and we have something to offer. But we're constantly holding ourselves back with the you know that that self judgment and things like that. So talk to me about you know about that about the, the allowing yourself to be to be just, I'm gonna shut up, you just, you just go ahead and you run with that, and

Unknown Speaker 10:30
I believe

Unknown Speaker 10:33
I'm not sure I know what you're asking.

Unknown Speaker 10:35
Okay, in your in your new art fast, because

Unknown Speaker 10:41
I needed to a bunch of different reasons, right. I'm not a marine officer active duty anymore, I don't have a platform to talk and influence and affect hundreds of Marines. I was at the Naval Academy for our last tour I was able to influence for, for what I thought was the better and taking that job on professionally. And seriously, you know, you think a lot about what you're going to try to influence the Midshipman with. And after retiring, few years go by and you just sort of you just sort of missed that, you know, you find yourself frustrated with the noise and the clutter that's out there, that that audience is gravitating towards. And I think it's garbage. And so I have a couple choices, I can continue to be frustrated with it, I could point fingers and criticize it, I could, you know, do many different things and all of those very, very reactive, where I could just put my money where my mouth was in offer. And and that's what I wanted to do. You know, I was beyond the whiteboard mo and john, have been big fans of mine for a long time. And I have no i no idea why. But they're beautiful human beings. And they just said, Hey, man, we want to get you out on some more channels, you know, your Instagram account is amazing. If people would read what you're writing in think they might be, they might be excited to be better people. But we got to get you out on more channels. And so they said, We want to put a podcast out there. And I was reluctant, you know, reluctant to write a book reluctant to do whatever. Because I don't, I don't, I'm mildly interested in promoting myself, right, that the only reason I would be interested in promoting myself is to grow an audience in order to be able to give. And it's weird, you know, it's, it's different. And then I can get very accusatory towards other people that I feel, you know, it's my perception that they're, you know, just aggrandizement themselves for attention. But but here's, here's the piece, like I talked about in the debut episode, I don't want my sons and daughters listening to so and so or so and so or so and so in the leadership sphere, talking about what they're talking about, because I find it garbage. And I want to have a stronger voice in my child's life, or my children's lives than then those individuals. And so I treat my podcasts work that my sons and my daughter, my son, and my daughters are going to listen to this someday My parents are listening to this and my wife, and my closest friends. And I don't want them like rolling their eyes calling bullshit. Because it's easy for a stranger to fall in love with whatever you're selling, you know, nobody knows you so. And so I just said, Hey, I'm going to do it, and I'm walking through this thing, authentically, just trying to share my thoughts and processes. And you know, I've had a lot of men reach back out to me, and I know my accomplishments from the military, they don't they I'm not stuck to them. It's a part YM, but it doesn't identify me solely, it's very, very snapshot of who I am. But those snapshots are very significant and energizing. And so you know, people will hold you on a pedestal and, and what I want to do is for the people that do that are the people that think the world of you are the people that don't know your faults, and they just accept your, your accomplishments, that I have the same feelings and thoughts and in confusions and self doubts that they do, and it's okay. I feel that there's a terrible rift that occurs when we look, we look at our superheroes out there, right, you know, personality, a personality be personality, see. And they have no faults, because they're managing and manipulating our perception, and all that, that and that's cool, that provides somebody to, to strive to be as a maybe an ideal, but ideals have always let me down. I've found much more success in realism and authenticity. And so what I'm trying to do is

Unknown Speaker 15:12
the same very things, and this is what's going on in my mind and how it works. And if that can be of an advantage to you to help you sort through, you know, your issues and your problems, if that can resonate with you. And you can say, hey, wow, it's working for him. Maybe I'll try that. And then I'm, I'm affecting people that I want to give to. And so that's what my podcasts about, I'm not, I'm not interviewing people, I'm not blowing myself, I'm not, you know, pointing fingers are just trying to share. And hopefully that helps. And if it doesn't, don't take it.

Unknown Speaker 15:47
It does, it helps us who?

Unknown Speaker 15:50
Okay, so here's a few things that went through my mind.

Unknown Speaker 15:55
You know, the speaking to the podcast versus the, you know, the Instagram, you know, and this is why, you know, I've had a couple podcasts in the fat and the past. The reason I started this, you know, this one now is that different people learn in different ways. Some people will, you know, listen to stuff, like, I don't read anything, if I can't listen, if I can't listen to the audio via book via podcast, it just I don't it doesn't I don't get it consumed. Because those things I can do while I'm driving, I can do it while I'm cleaning house, you know, that sort of thing. I just do not sit still to read a book. So you reach people in the way that they learn best. I love you know that. When you that's, you know, that's the other thing that I have found in terms of? Yeah, I have. I've had a very dynamic life. I'm closing on in very quickly on 53. And, you know, when people say Where are you from, it's I say everywhere, nowhere I have, you know, I have ties to 25 out of 50 states, I am fearless in the sense that I will get up Don't go anywhere do anything because of and I'm an overachiever. I it's like I push the boundaries on everything. So there are things that other people can look at and say, Wow, you wrote a book or while you deadlift at 315, for reps or while you were Marine, all of those things were within my comfort zone. So it's a couple of things that, you know, you made me think I was thinking about this idea that, you know, nothing is ever enough for us, we always pushing harder, harder, but the authenticity thing, the you know, what I? What I share with people is that yes, I did, I was very healthy, I did bodybuilding. But I also got to a place where I reached almost 300 pounds, I have a titanium cage and stuff my back because you know, and I ran a half marathon once with my britches full of shit the entire time, and never knew it. The thing is, all that stuff that I've been through, if those, there is no fear, there's no pride, there's no embarrassment, because if what I've been through can help you in any way, if nothing else, just to know that, as you said, there's others out there because some people don't want to talk about it, you were the social media is full of all the happy and the fake lives. And and we have such a crisis, not just with heroes, but crisis in the US, across the board with suicide, and a large part of it is because of that lack of authenticity, we go on dates, and we fake it, you know, it's like we show our best selves, and it's pointless, we get into relationships that don't work, you know, you know, I mean, I'm preaching the choir, you know that. And so just I think, again, that's why I was listening to you at the time, when I was trying to say, though, what I was getting at was, one of the things you talked about was how you, you're concerned about coming off as, as,

Unknown Speaker 19:02
you know, with hubris, or with

Unknown Speaker 19:05
you know, as vain or as you narcissistic or whatever, and that the fear of doing that, or the concern of doing that concern, it is lead you to often not do things. No, go, we have we go back and forth with we have to be our best cheerleaders, we have to acknowledge the things we're good at, because we can't help people if we don't. But we also we're so concerned with our image, and it's like, on the one hand, I don't give a shit what other people think about me. And on the other hand, I think I care very deeply what because again, like, like you said, we can't reach people, if they're looking at us, you know, as as some pompous, pompous ass hole, we won't reach the people that we care about, in that manner. Anyway, so I know, that was a rambling of a number of things. So

Unknown Speaker 19:59
yeah, I like what you're saying about a few things, but I'm a, I'm a fan of balance. And maybe that's because I like, you know, I don't know, I like balance anything to the extreme, is not smart. So caring, caring, caring about what other people think of you, I think is valuable, as long as it's tempered with, with not putting too much ownership in that right. And, and caring deeply about yourself, I think is very, very important. But also not to the extreme that it does feed, you know, selfish, selfish behaviors, like so it's, it's, I mean, it's age old balance, it's all about balance, every time I'm presenting it with one, one side of the coin, I like to take it and flip it over and just process it, because ultimately, that's what's going to keep you grounded, it keeps you engaged, not on, you know, some sort of automation of a socialized personality, then that you end up not having control of it remaining conscious. You know,

Unknown Speaker 21:04
we, you know, the other thing, too, that I've found is that, you know, you talked about authenticity is in the end, that's, that's what people respond to, like, when I first started

Unknown Speaker 21:17
promoting HH back,

Unknown Speaker 21:19
I don't know, whenever know, October, November, I don't know, anyway,

Unknown Speaker 21:22
I didn't have I didn't have content I had there. Again, it's a path. And you know, you can know, you can know where you're headed. But like you said, with a butterfly, it's like you don't you just trust that things will you know, present and, you know, the way they're supposed to, and it all works out. Not not because you're sitting around waiting on it, but because you take whatever is presented you and and you run with that, and you make the best of it, and so on Anyway, what I'm getting at is that, when I first started everything I did, and if you go and look at my very earliest post there, you know, quotes and, and things that were important to me, but they were very corporate, you know, you know, just just cold, very cold, when things really started changing were was when I

Unknown Speaker 22:12
started taking when I got settled

Unknown Speaker 22:14
in my new apartment and start taking the time to put stuff that was personal, you know, most recently, you know, I'm back in the gym after, you know, quite a layoff. And, you know, I post my, you know, my challenges, I post my successes. And and that's when you really start seeing, you know, the feedback, because that's what people want to know that, you know, they're they're not alone in in those struggles. You know, like you said before, one thing you mentioned in, in the podcast debut is this idea. So much of the competition comes from the idea you're talking about competition versus collaboration. You know, so much of this comes from the idea of everything

Unknown Speaker 23:06
being a zero sum game, if I win,

Unknown Speaker 23:09
you lose, if you win, I lose, and and especially when we're talking about the Hero community, it just doesn't have to be that way. It's like week, we can better help everyone if we work together, you know. And you know, that, that, but people get locked into that zero sum, you know, mentality. So do you mind talking about that a little bit?

Unknown Speaker 23:37
Yeah, I mean, that's a, that's a super broad. That's a super broad conversation. So I'll just take the liberty of picking, picking one narrow slice maybe to get started or capitalize. I don't like to, I mean, zero sum game is interesting. I also think about absolute, absolute, some verse net, some, that's another conversation, maybe trying to think back to the podcast that you're referring to, but ultimately, like so just because I, you know, resource, you know, scarcity mindset, right, we'd like to hoard things we like to, we like to have everything we like to identify with it, we like to lay lay stake your claim that it's mine. And in an audience or a community where everybody's doing that, it almost becomes a necessity. Because if you don't claim it, somebody else's, then you're not going to have access to it. And to get access to it, you're either going to have to do any number of things or barter or trade you don't I mean, whereas if it's if it's a community where it's just take what you need, and give what you can, you never have to worry about that we don't have to spend a lot of frustration or strategizing on we can we can spend that that that mental energy, the physical energy, the emotional energy that we would otherwise spend there on greater things, you know, adding value to that to the whole, and I likened it to them. I mean, I learned I started to develop that in the Marine Corps. I don't know baby too late in my career. But as a, as a squad leader, I'm assuming our audience is largely military. So as a squad leader, I always wanted to have the best damn squad in my platoon period. And that men like everything was ours, doing it better than everybody else competing against my left competing against my right, gather the resources and go for it, I focused on my people, I focused downward inward. And, and that was cute. And then when I was a platoon commander, same thing, I wanted to focus on my platoon, I want to have the best damn platoon read, you know, reiterate the same thing that I just talked about. And then when I was a company commander, damn, I wanted to have the best company right. And it finally I realized it not until maybe the latter half of platoon commander years company commander years for sure.

Unknown Speaker 26:07
It was like I'm doing it all wrong.

Unknown Speaker 26:10
You know, I'm doing it all wrong. When I was a platoon commander, I wanted the best platoon and it was at the expense of the other tunes. But now I'm a company commander now, and you don't want to know it's really, really frustrating is that I can't get my four platoons to frickin cooperate with each other, to recognize that, you know, strengthening up your left in your rights will make you stronger so that you men can focus at the task at hand. And your job as a platoon commander then isn't really to like, focus so much inward, or downward, it's that it's to strengthen your left and your right so that your people can do their job. And ideally, you know,

Unknown Speaker 26:49
I say ideally, if you if you train the best Marines possible, and then send them out to train a leadership by example, you train them, send them out to other companies to improve those, those platoons, those squads, those companies, those, you know, then then then it's, you know, you've, again, you're focusing outward, and you know, you're, you're doing your part here, and then letting them you know, go and make the entire Marine Corps better.

Unknown Speaker 27:17
Yeah, I mean, I mean, I think that's, that's, I get that. Maybe the direction I'm really ultimately going is that, let's continue to play the example in real world where so I'm a company commander now. And in training, I want to grab all the ranges, I want to take my company to the range, I want to get all the ammo allocation, and I want to I want to wheel and deal with the gunner to grab a little more, little more than what I need, because I want to have the best, who comes in and expense to somebody else, right, instead of sharing the range the same time. Ultimately, we're not spending all 24 hours at the range shoot and moving. I mean, there's rest periods, and why couldn't we collaborate a bit more. And anyways, keep playing this out to where throw it into your solution now, in your Battalion, and you're online, and you're sweeping South clearing and zone. And I'm realizing I mean, this is I'm exaggerating now for the sake of the story, because I auto corrected much sooner. Others may have not, and you're going down, and now you've got your company and you realize that your left flank sucks. And that you can't expand all firepower in your direction of advanced because you have to reserve some to your left flank because the unit to your left socks, or or isn't isn't as trained as you are. And then you start to say, Well, why aren't they is trained as I am? Well, because I've been I've been busy, like stealing all the ranges. And I've been stealing all the Emily never had the opportunity to train. And I never wanted to share my information with them. I wanted to keep it all to myself because I wanted to be the leader fast. And I wanted people to recognize that I was the best. And so I mean, again, this is a tongue in cheek example. It didn't quite happen this way. But but the example is pretty clean. And it's like, well, if I hadn't been that much wiser as a squad leader all along to realize that if I helped my other squads, even from the sake of competition, right, so pause the example and roll into a civilian type style example on the in the sporting field. And we all hear how, you know, Division One, third place, seed hoops team ends up getting toppled by, you know, the 54th seed, you know, whatever, whatever, whatever. Well, it's because they played down to that for that that teams game. Or if you look at it the other way around the other team played up, right? Yeah. Like, what better? What better thing to do than to make your competition better, because then that forces you to work harder, train harder and be better. You know, now that's in a competitive now I got really, you know, the Marine Corps, we're not talking about making the enemy better. We're not doing that. But, but at least on my same team, why wouldn't I want to make we're all part of the same Platoon, I should make first squad and third squad, and I should help them and we should share, we should collaborate as a platoon. As a platoon commander, I should be helping the platoons to my left and the right because when it when push comes to shove, I want them I want them to be highly trained as well. And I don't think that that's a stretch for now playing the parallel into our, our everyday lives, our everyday lives with our community, our friends, and our family, and even strangers, you know, separate this separate this from, you know, Apple fighting Samsung, like I get it that's not in the businesses doesn't pay out. Maybe maybe so cleanly, but I bet you it does. But anyways, what about we just start there inside the homefront, brothers and sisters, you know,

Unknown Speaker 31:00
neighbors, driving, you know, we, you know, the cutting people off and all these, you know, all this, again, everything is about me, and I've discovered this more and more and more everything is about me first, you know, got to be first in line got to be first got to be first got to be first and we don't we all were thinking about what we want, we want what we need. And we were not considering that you know what, that person might be driving slow, because they have you know, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. The point is we don't ever put our ourselves in other people's shoes. It's all about, you know, me, me, me, me, me. And, you know, the, for me, the way I look at it is you know, and I say that I say this to people quite a bit, you know, these people who are going around road rage, and just all the different geologists the ugliness we see, you know, how many of us say I hate people, and yet it's not. It's not that we hate people, we hate the way people act. And people act when they behave badly. It's almost always because there are unhappy with something in their own lives, whatever it is, and so they take it out on the rest of the world. And, you know, I keep saying it in the most simplified version, my simplified story, my job in this world, is to help people be happier, through whatever you know better communication, whatever it is, through my book, through my podcasts, whatever, help them be happier, such that they can go out, ideally, they would go out and use their gifts to make the world better. If at the very least, they don't go out and, and cause accidents or shoot up

Unknown Speaker 32:41
places or do whatever it is because they're

Unknown Speaker 32:43
angry, or, you know, if I can just get people to get up out of bed in the morning and smile or compliment. Or again, as I said, not make it worse.

Unknown Speaker 32:52
You know, I roll that back one step even more, more, more internal. And that's, you know, I do my part for me. It's a healthy reminder for me to be a better person. Who am I to throw fingers out at the rest of the world for being lesser when I can't, you know, be better myself? You know, I use the driving example exactly in in one of my podcasts, whether it's my personal one, or the one I do for Spartan. I think it's in a couple of my writings. But I mean, it's powerful that, you know, driving, driving is a big trigger, man. It's crazy. But there's a there's a quote, and I can't remember if it's Seneca or if it's Marcus Aurelius. But it's, um, it's definitely stoic and says, um, there's different paraphrases, but ultimately, it's Who are you to assume that somebody else's intentions are any less nobler than your own? Right. And when I find myself getting frustrated, or judging or passing judgment, or assuming things I remind that quote, pops up into my head is that what up to that individual right now? It's, it's just as noble to them what they're doing for their reasons, who am I to judge that and the only difference is that I could take a deep breath and be the better man. And understand that whether or not they have the cap has the capacity, the faculty, the, or whatever to do so, or they, or they just deliberately choosing not to,

Unknown Speaker 34:22
right, right. And, and that's, and that's kind of what I'm getting at is that, you know, I, I've had many, many blessings in my life, I'm very thankful for any number of things. But in my life, I consider the real BLESSINGS TO to have been almost 300 pounds at one point to have, you know, gone through mental physical abuse, all these different sorts of things. Because for whatever reason, I was able to take those things, learn from them, and then hopefully, you know, go out and and teach others how to do how to take that breath, how to step back and think before because the emotional comes in first,

Unknown Speaker 35:05
always, it

Unknown Speaker 35:06
always does. But the important part is just taking a breath, and just okay, how is this going to impact me? How is this going to impact other people? The consequences? Is this really worth? What I'm going? I'm, uh, you know, what could come from it, you know, if, you know, is it, but that's, I think that's one of the biggest challenge, we live in this, this ridiculously fast paced world and everything. As we said, everything is about me, me, me. And you know, just that slowing down and realizing that, you know, there are just bigger, more important things, whether it be your family, whether it be your health, whether it be whatever, then, you know, getting to, you know, wherever you're going five seconds sooner or you know, Anyway, I digress, but you something else that you met you and made me think about when you mentioned the quote thing you were talking about. And again, it goes back to lack of authenticity, or lack of lack of introspection, because that's the real difference is that, you know, you need people like us, we're very, very, as I said, very cerebral, very introspective. We're constantly we're not just looking at other people's behavior, we're looking at our behavior, and is it? Is it consistent? Am I am I doing, as I say, or is it? And I'm, in my case, a lot of times, it's, do as I say, not as I do. But it's, it's, and I catch myself and I'm quite aware of it. It's like, you know, you need to take care of yourself, you need to put yourself first you need to, and it's like, but then but for me to do that, it's like, Well, yeah, but that's different. You know, it's like, and but it's not and it's it's a constant, you know, constant conversation. But what, you know, I was getting that, as you mentioned, people, you know, quotes, whether it be quotes that they post or quotes in their, their, their emails, things like that, that are so inconsistent. And I think I hope that it's, it's kind of a matter of this is the person I want to be so maybe if I, you know, I I'm going to think positively and hope that's, you know, the case. I know this morning, I actually because I have two quotes at the bottom of in the CIG of my email, and one of them is an Iran one, I think, and the other person, I can't remember the name, but one of them says, The goal is to live forever. The goal is to create something that will and the other one is and this is the Iran one, it's a

Unknown Speaker 37:39
semi paraphrased.

Unknown Speaker 37:42
It's not

Unknown Speaker 37:48
darn it, I printed it out this morning, because I wanted to put over my computer just to continue to remind myself, I mean, I live like this every day. But just to remind myself,

Unknown Speaker 37:56
it was that it was, it was basically

Unknown Speaker 38:00
not.

Unknown Speaker 38:02
I'm not asking, God bless, okay, you go ahead and talk, I'm going to find this thing.

Unknown Speaker 38:06
I was just getting ready started looking for it.

Unknown Speaker 38:11
I think it's very easy for people to be introspective. Anybody can be introspective. But that level of their emotional intelligence and in social intelligence limits introspection. And so a lot of people walk around, you know, I'm so self aware. Yeah. Well, you're also you also lack plenty of emotional and social intelligence, right? Or character character about trades. And that's no, it's not trying to be a jerk or anything to that person. Like, yeah, okay, I can sit here and do math problems all day long. But if none of them are, right, well, I mean, I'm doing math problems. I mean, what's the point? So introspection is the first step, but I mean, it's, it's the basic step, you know, in different fact that somebody is, is taking a hard look at themselves is a positive for sure. You know, but that

Unknown Speaker 39:09
doesn't know what to do with that, you know, that, you know, for you and I introspection is, again, am I being consistent, congruent. The theory that I posed in the book that I wrote is basically, you know, to your point, you know, if you can be introspective, but if, then your next step is, you know, for us, we, we shine the spotlight on our lives, and then we look for areas that we need to change or improve upon, or whatever it is. But, again, backing up my theory in the book is that people will look inside, they won't like what they see. And so their next step is to self medicate it, whether it be through alcohol, or drugs, or eating, or Facebook or Netflix, there's so many ways that we can, you know, we so there's people who they look, and they, for the sake of appearances or whatever, they don't want that dark, they don't want to accept the dark side, or they've bought into I heard a book recently called it rules, bullshit rules, basically, that I should do this, I should do that I should the other. And so if you buy into that, then anyway, I got myself off track there, but I think, you know, it's Yes, you can look inside and look at the darkness and, or, you know, whatever, if you don't accept it, and do something with it, you know, if you just tamp it down, and, and, you know, try to hide it. You know, that's, that's where I think the anger and the unhappiness and all of that stuff comes from because, you know, we're expanding so much energy, trying to hide who we are, rather than accepting that all of us have good, all of us have bad or not even bad, but challenges things that were, you know, less than perfect, that are less than ideal, or, but the thing, it's what makes us human. So I think that you know, you can, it's what you do, as you were saying what you do with that introspection that, you know, that really matters.

Unknown Speaker 41:27
Anyway, so I found the quote, The quote is,

Unknown Speaker 41:31
the question isn't, who's going to let me the question is who's going to stop me? And, and, and it's Iran. And I just I love that because that's me. It's like, I don't take no for an answer. And I just I bulldoze through things. And sometimes that's not good. I have I have alienated In fact, I was the first thing I was just gonna

Unknown Speaker 41:52
say. I don't take note for an answer. Yeah, well, maybe, maybe sometimes you should. Yeah. And that's the flip side of the coin, or that's the balance that I talked about when, when just trying to be aware of the narrative that I continue to reinforce myself for the narrative that others continue to reinforce on me and, and then at the end of the day, like, who even knows if, you know, the answers I come up with, you know, there's probably somebody listening to what I'm saying, or like, yeah, that dudes just right, we're on the pull of, you know, so I mean, who's the judge? Who's, who actually has the ultimate marker?

Unknown Speaker 42:28
I don't know, haven't sorted through that yet?

Unknown Speaker 42:31
Well, I think a lot of it is it's not, it's not,

Unknown Speaker 42:35
the marker has to be yourself and you like, and this is something, you know, is I can, you know, have all these competing thoughts and these competing emotions. But when at the end of the day, I could die right now with no regrets. Because I know I am who I am. I love who I am, I worked very hard to overcome things to become who I am. I don't like every aspect of me that again, I have my challenges, but I accepted. And so I think the marker is it's for each individual. But in the end, you know, you know, deep down, are you really happy? Are you really content with with your life? and and you know, and I think the answer most of the time is is no, that's what causes it, you know, what, whatever aspect, whether it be your job, whether it be your personal relationships, there's something that is just it's just nagging at you, you know,

Unknown Speaker 43:33
I might not agree with that. I might not agree with that.

Unknown Speaker 43:37
And I the only way I can say that is

Unknown Speaker 43:42
or they just don't know what happy is that they've only reached the limit of happiness that they think the rat and they don't realize that there's so much more to be happy. So, so maybe they're happy yet. Right? So okay, let me get my thoughts cleaner. I don't think that it's safe to say that that's the end that they're not happy with who they are, I think that they just haven't experienced a happier version yet to be able to have a new data point for what happy is. I've been the worst possible version of myself. I know it. I thought I was the best possible version I ever could have been when I made decision x or y two years ago, five years, seven years, 11 years, 13 years after I thought I was the worst person I've ever been. And then fast forward three years down the road. Wow. I'm so much better than I was three years ago. I am excited to see who I am. Where I am going to be three years from now. It's not that I'm I'm not unhappy. Right. That I just don't know yet. All right.

Unknown Speaker 44:47
Well, but but again, and I think we're saying the same things. We're just saying them in a slightly different, you know, and part of that maybe a male female thinking maybe? Who knows, maybe I just don't know, who knows, but I think because. Because, yeah, I mean, I know that while I'm happy and Okay, again, this goes back to something else. You said in that in that pilot episode, you were talking about the idea of, you know, you are happy but you weren't you weren't content or you were, it's like, I guess what I was what I said, when I sent you the podcast, suggestions are for topics, the idea that you can be happy, you can love your life, but still continuously strive to be better continuously to to improve. You know, it's like, the I Love Again, what I do I love where I am in my life. I I can't pay my own bills half the time, you know, it's it. So there is a lot of room for improvement in the end things, but for where I am and what I've been through and where I am right now. I am very, you know, very happy with that. So I guess

Unknown Speaker 46:01
it's

Unknown Speaker 46:03
good. Yeah. Okay. Alright. So

Unknown Speaker 46:05
I understand that. Yeah, we're talking similar things, which is slightly different directions. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 46:14
Alright, so

Unknown Speaker 46:16
here, let me see what else I wrote down here.

Unknown Speaker 46:19
Oh, okay. This one This, this one I've been thinking about a lot recently. You mentioned that, you know, nobody cares, because you're talking about the quotes and again, and he said, Nobody cares, work hard, or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 46:30
And I was thinking,

Unknown Speaker 46:32
again, driving around recently, because you see t shirts, you see stuff with that on it. And I thought, in a society now where there is so much pain and so much unhappiness. And you know, in 2016, there were double the homeless, up double the suicides to homicides, you know, it's people are so unhappy. And when you're, when you have so many people walking around feeling that way to say, nobody cares, that that just is insanity to me. Because the fact is, I understand what they're trying to say when they say nobody cares work harder, I get that. Because we, if we sat around, grousing about it all the time, we'd never accomplish anything. So I get that, at the same time, though, to go out and tell potentially fragile people or anybody that nobody cares, that's just wrong, because somebody cares. somebody cares. You know, it's like,

Unknown Speaker 47:31
that's a Kim. That's a Cameron Haines t shirt. And he's a, he's an absolutely amazing dude. And when you take when you take those words, out of context, they could be damaging, right? They're very, very powerful for people that it resonates with them. And they can be damaging for people that it doesn't. And so it's just a you know, no, no judgment here. There works for some just example would be when you're when you're working out some people like all the clapping and cheering, good job, good job. All you can do it, you can do it in other people like, Hey, I, that makes me want to punch you in the face and leave the gym and never work out again. Right? Or, or some people like you in their face yelling and screaming and motivating you that way. And other people like me, that just makes me want to quit. So that's all that is. I mean, it's a it's a great quote, for specific context. And, you know, I understand I understand it. I don't think it applies to every situation and doesn't work for me all things, but it does, it does actually work for me and a couple, you know what I say? For myself for when I start, like trying to rationalize a thought that I'm having or rationalize, like, doing something, it's just like, yeah, you know what, and nobody cares. Like, yeah, hey, you know, what that actually is empowering. So it's, uh, it's, it's funny, because we talked before about zero sum games, I've been trying to twist that in my head is, um, it's just like, absolute zero mentality, right? Everything has to be on an absolute scale. Where I'm not, I'm not convinced that that's the way it should be. I feel, I don't feel that I feel like it should be a net net value. If there's certain add to this, and then there's certain detractors, if the ultimate net sum is negative, Well, okay, Hey, cool. I don't want to discount the positives, but I'm not going to work that direction.

Unknown Speaker 49:31
Right, right. Well, yeah, and an example from, you know, from my world is, you know, there are so many, so many, probably hundreds of thousands of organizations, individuals and organizations, with the same mission, the same passion, or the same desire to change, you know, Hero suicide

Unknown Speaker 49:51
rates and things like that.

Unknown Speaker 49:53
But they're all you know, they're all working individually. Where, and, and you No, whereas if they would, and the thing that is so challenging for me is we have created a, a technical, you know, technological platform, with, in part, yes, we want to, we want to connect individuals, but in part, we all I also want to connect all of these businesses and these Hero focus causes, and let me market on their behalf in the sense that, you know, you get your business in there, you, you know, you just you say, I'm here, I verify your URL, and then you go out and you do what you're good at, you run your business, this other person runs their and, or in their organization, or whatever. And I am, you know, bringing, you know, working on bringing everyone else in, you know, so that you no longer have to fight the whole social thing. But my point is, is that we're, there's so many of us out there with the same mission, and we're, we're basically fighting against each other. Whereas if we would all band together, we could still have our individual organizations, but we can use me too. You know, if I hear something that again, like, you know, the program, every chance I get, if I know something that would be useful to someone else, I try to, you know, point them in that direction, despite the fact that it may have no use for me, or no benefit for me whatsoever, just because that's the way you know, that that's the way it should be. And I don't feel like if, if the competition is too tough for me, then I just need to get more creative and find, you know, do something, you know, to it. Again,

Unknown Speaker 51:34
rambling, but no, it's great. Because I, here's here's the similarity. similar vein for me is I'm material, I want to average I want, I want to offer the world, my stuff. And I'm so afraid of these inauthentic jerks out there and these ripoff artists, right. And it makes me hesitate to want to put it all out there. So I keep it very close hold and I don't just distribute, I don't find different channels to have larger audiences. Because all I'm doing is feeding someone, somebody else's game, who has lesser ethics than I do. And they're out there everywhere. Absolutely. And so, but then I started thinking, like, well, who cares? You know, and I believe it was Gary Vee did a, an Instagram, where if you're really worried, if you're worried about other people stealing your stuff, then you're just not innovative, or you're not moving forward. And, you know, you look at what he's done over the years, and he, he just throws all the stuff out there, people ripping him off, but he keeps going, and he keeps just iterating and moving forward. And what a phenomenal

Unknown Speaker 52:49
guy, you know,

Unknown Speaker 52:50
this is part of my thought with it is that

Unknown Speaker 52:54
if, if my mission is exactly as I say it, if my mission to improve lives to help people, if the content that I'm putting out there, whether it be via writing via you know, whatever I mean, my book was, for a long time was available PDF download, you know, right off of my other site, because my feeling was if you really want to help people, then whatever way it gets, you know, in their hands, because you can't help them if it's not in their hands. Now, I must say that I would be horribly disappointed to find that somebody had taken my book and was making tons of money with it. You know, but at the same time, it was changing lives. You know, I would kind of, I guess I would kind of get over it. But the main thing is, is that, you know, I don't I don't grow over stuff like that to worry about stuff like that, a because I know how creative I am. And I know that I can come up, you know,

Unknown Speaker 53:51
I'll come up with a new idea. I'll come up with whatever.

Unknown Speaker 53:54
But the other thing is that, you know, I, I accept the fact that if, if,

Unknown Speaker 54:00
if people

Unknown Speaker 54:03
here's here's the thing, too, is that, you know, you have a fairly, you know, a fairly significant following at this point. I have, I've never, I've never, you know, I've never gotten that for a variety of reasons. But it's so if it takes someone else with someone with more gravitas, someone with more, you know, influence to get my stuff out there, then, you know, that's then maybe that's what it

Unknown Speaker 54:30
takes. I I'm not sure that really made.

Unknown Speaker 54:33
Sounded right. But my point is that, you know, it's like, whatever it takes to get it out there. Now, in my case, I'm just going to work harder, and I will, you know, I will get, but

Unknown Speaker 54:43
I really go to that rambling thing.

Unknown Speaker 54:46
But late at night, it's late at night.

Unknown Speaker 54:49
A past my bedtime. I'm, I'm half pumpkin already. But anyway, but yeah, it's if you if you have good stuff, I guess if nothing else, it should be an honor that people care enough to steal it. I you know, maybe maybe that's what it is,

Unknown Speaker 55:03
or something I don't know. But they're not

Unknown Speaker 55:09
hurt, you take it personal, you work hard, you want to be recognized. I mean, I wrestle with it all the time. You know, and then I just tell myself, that's the ego getting in the way. Like, let let me accept those. It's normal and natural to have those feelings, but the ego, the ego isn't all of who I am. And my identity is so much more than that. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 55:29
And it's like you said, Yeah, the whole, you just have to, you know, you, you go forward, you step back, you readjust you, you know, adapt? But yeah, so, okay, well, I think we've pretty much beaten these things as much as we can. And I, anyway, but thank you so very, very, very, very, very much for honoring me with with your, your interview and chatting with me, I love the fact that you know, because, you know, as I said, I will reach out to anyone, there's, there's no one that I won't ask. But it's very often we get to this, you know, people get to this place where, you know, I'm, you know, I'm too I'm too important to, you know, waste my time on you. And it's, you know, my opinion is, it's their loss. But you know, when you're trying to grow something when you're trying to get something out there, it's, it can be challenging and frustrating. So I appreciate that. You

Unknown Speaker 56:25
think it's a I think it's exactly the opposite. Now, also, I recognize that I'm not in any level of half of these people out there. But it's something that I hold very near and dear and I don't want to lose and I know that it could get on on manageable at times. I know if I was 15 times as big, would I be able to even have the opportunity. So you can't hold those guys at fault for that, you know, and you have to recognize that here's something that I keep in my mind all the time in it. I'm going to ruin the story. And I don't know where it was. I'd love to give credit. I know it not mind. But I came across somebody sent me the story at one time it was about a grandfather in a in a grandson. Pick an age, I don't know 11 year old son something something and 11 year old grandson walking down the street one day and there's a penny on the ground in a grandfather says hey, Johnny, like, hey, reach down and grab that. Penny pick it up, put it in your pocket. And Johnny was like, Yeah, it's a penny. Penny is not worth anything these days. Gramps, like, why would I not. And he's like, hey, it's not about the money. It's not about the scent, it's not about the that value, the value is is doing those things that others just happen to not do because it's beneath them or it's too simple. And so if you walk around and do the little tiny things all of the time, then others just don't even recognize the value there is the ethic. I just think about that all the time. And I try to do that. And it's not saying that I'm anybody or nobody or vice versa. It's just you've reached out to me. And if I can, if I can help in some way grow, grow your platform or get my message out or just Hey Semper Fi Brother, you know, sister, so I'm